Author J Roe

Writing quirky characters on redemptive journeys

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Chronic Illness and the Best Book Life

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Can chronic illness actually lead to the best book life? I would venture to say that it can and, in my life, has. I won’t tell you exactly what you should be reading here. (Sign up to my newsletter and get a free novella or check out my Goodreads reviews for more of that.) But I do want to share how books have become self-care for me.

In high school and again in college, I ended up as a virtual shut-in, only venturing out for doctor’s appointments, usually driven around by my parents. I found solace in reading, but I needed more and I found that outlet in writing. Books were a blessing from God in the form of consuming and creating.

Recently I have had to abandon another preventative medication due to yet another allergic reaction. One more doctor has said told me, “That’s it. You’ve tried everything I know of to try.” To compound the situation two other medications that help regulate my depression and anxiety ended up running out due to a huge doctor office/pharmacy/insurance company issue. Those with chronic life issues will understand all too well. By now I have those medications, but the depression and panic attacks linger as my body readjusts.

Chronic Illness Means We Keep Trying New Things

I tell you all of this not to garner sympathy, but to share encouragement. This bookish spoonie has decided to forge a new path, one that I have been slowly moving towards for a while. I hope in sharing this news, we can each look at what’s not working in our lives and make adjustments to find a better way. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to get well, my body is not going to do it by conventional means.

Okay, so I’m not just staying here in this dark place anymore, I’m going to be a person doing something. I’ve spoken quite frequently here and on my Instagram account about how vital walking has become in the search for healing. There are many days that I can’t tolerate the light, but my routine is now to walk my son to his bus stop in the morning and let him jabber away. We laugh together until the bus drives away and after he leaves, I take off walking.

Allow Yourself to Be

I don’t go far or fast right now. My body just won’t let me, but I’m choosing to move, like my fitness instructor Beth Learn has encouraged me to do. She argues against the all-or-nothing mentality. In several of her spoonie-friendly workouts, she tells us that even stretching counts. “This is enough, this has to be enough.” I hear in her voice in that particular restorative yoga workout the frustration with a society that distills women down to what we can or can’t do, instead of being who we are. 

So, who am I being? I am a woman who lives a life riddled by pain and darkness, but I fight for the light. That makes me a warrior bookworm. Now I love being outside my house, going for those walks when I can, drinking in the sound of birdsong, and I stay home and stretch with Beth when I can’t. I am actually able to drive most days and spend time with my children getting them to and from places. This is more than just doing, it is fighting the battle of pain to be the woman I want to be.

Which leads me to the next life-giving practice I am experimenting with. Are you ready for this? Green light in a dark room. No really, green light in a dark room. In this article, there have been early studies linking a decrease in migraines from exposure to LED green lights. Like, from 24 migraine days a month decreasing to 7. What’s the treatment look like? 2 hours in a completely dark room except for a green LED light. My husband read the article and ordered a package of them immediately. Weird, right? And, good grief, who has time to sit in a dark room with a green light for 2 hours a day? What’s a bookish spoonie to do? READ!

Do Books Qualify as Self-Care?

So, now after my walk, I spend my time in the morning reading my Bible and journaling with a green LED light. I call it my green light therapy with God. His Word refreshes me and reminds of what is true and right. Writing to Him in my journal, I brainstorm how to apply what I’m learning, I give Him my frustrations, and I praise Him for at least three things each day.

I end my day taking a bath with a good book and green light. All those books that have been piling up in my To Be Read stack? I’m getting through them and my reading goal for the year will soon be reached. I’m discovering new authors, studying different writing techniques, and relaxing. I don’t know yet if the light is making a difference for daily migraines, but I do know I feel better during the therapy itself. It might be all the indulgent reading I feel justified in enjoying. (You can find my reviews here or sign-up for my newsletter for a more in-depth look.)

Chronic Illness and the Best Book Self-Care

I mean, I write and read for a living, right? So this should just be part of my life now. And I’m learning so much about how to relax and let go of things. I keep thinking I’ve learned the lesson of targeting my stressors and uprooting them, but it isn’t actually things that stress me. It’s toxic thinking. So I’m becoming ferocious in catching when I am stressing myself out and taking a step back.

Social media causing you stress? Start scheduling posts. Not enough time to schedule, you say? Take a little break. Breathe. Pray. Journal. Read a book. Enjoy a walk. Talk to a friend. All these things are helping me calm down and they might help you, too. And now that I have given myself permission to try different and unusual things to try to get well, I may actually get there. And even if my “well” doesn’t look normal, it will be my normal, a life I enjoy with the very best books.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: Joel Muniz, Nicole Wolf, and David Lezcano

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Love Stories and Fairy Tale Retellings

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Love stories and fairy tale retellings crowd the bookstore shelves in the young adult fantasy book section. My teens and I bee-line our way to the aisle and spend, literally, hours in them. We sigh over the beautiful covers and wonder how this or that author will remold our favorite love stories. But why do we want fairy tales retold? What continues to draw us to them time and time again?

Why We Love Stories of Fairy Tale Retellings

Now, of course, not everyone loves a fairy tale retelling. But I doubt those readers are visiting my site here, so we won’t worry about them. Let’s chat instead of the reason we love to retell a fairy tale. Fairy tales that have a habit of being retold have a quality of wonder. There is clear evil and there is clear good. Though in modern fairy tale retellings you will often find those lines blurred {because, let’s face it, none of us are completely good} the original source material has a familiar beauty of love triumphing over what is broken. And right now, in our dark world, that gives us hope and fills us with joy.

Our Favorite Fairy Tale

I find the question, “What is your favorite fairy tale?” enlightening. I was sitting on my counselor’s couch (not lying down, mind you) when she asked me this question. She shared how our favorite fairy tale reveals a great deal about ourselves. Do we have one? We probably believe in happy endings. Is it Cinderella? Perhaps we feel mistreated. Is it Sleeping Beauty? Maybe we are waiting to be rescued.

She shared she had one unnamed client who adored the story of Beauty and the Beast. I perked up, that was one of my favorites too, long before Disney made it into an animated film. The woman who loved it had a penchant for attaching herself to men who were much like the beast at the beginning of the story. This patient had spent her life trying to transform each man she dated into a prince, but only got abused in the process. I was so glad that I hadn’t said that, but I had answered, “Rapunzel.” I don’t remember her reply, because, like most counselors, she didn’t tell me the answer. I had to figure out for myself why it resonated with me.

Do All Fairy Tales End Happily?

Why does your favorite strike a chord with you? Is the idea of the story like a well-worn book you’ve smoothed with your hands so many times that the pages now feel like silk beneath your touch? Do you picture yourself as the heroine or the hero? (I hope you don’t see yourself as the villain, but I have those days, myself.)

In my early twenties, much like now, I was suffering from chronic migraines. But at the time, I had left college because they had become so debilitating. I had had these chronic migraines since high school and learned to live with them. So why had they suddenly become so bad as to cause me to drop out of living my life? My counselor knew that there were some mitigating factors, and looking back, I can see that Rapunzel was an enlightening piece of the puzzle.

Like Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel is waiting, always waiting in her tower. When she finally decides to take a risk and love someone enough to allow him to rescue her, the witch who imprisoned her finds out. Rapunzel watches as her beloved is thrown from the tower into thorns far below and then Rapunzel is cast out into the wilderness to wander for years.

The Greatest Love Story isn’t just a Fairy Tale Retelling

Though I didn’t see it at the time, I felt similar to Rapunzel, isolated by my pain. It wasn’t just the migraines, I had fallen in love with someone who didn’t love me back. I was left feeling alone, betrayed. Unsaid words became the pain in my head and the depression in my spirit.

Here’s the amazing part, God used that hard time to show me that He wanted to rescue me out of the wilderness. He would care for my heart whether or not I ever found my prince. After all, the true Prince had already come to this world and paid the ultimate price to ransom me. (John 3:16) I just needed reminding.

I suppose it only makes sense that I remained attached to Rapunzel. Only a few years after getting better and graduating from college, I began to write my own retelling. It grew and changed from the original story and became one of a different rescue. And this Valentine’s Day, while love stories and fairy tale retellings are pictured all over Bookstagram, I smile, knowing my true Prince rescued me long before my husband ever knew my name. You can start here with a free novella, Before the Tower, and I’ll connect you with more bookish fun at least once a month in my newsletter.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: Natasha Brazil, Derek Story, Lenin Estrada, and Rose

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Loving {and Hating} a Book Series

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Many of us bookworms find ourselves both loving and hating book series that are incomplete. We live in a world of rapid release where delayed gratification lies untapped while drones bring us our next favorite book. But, what if we find ourselves falling in love with a book series that hasn’t been completed yet? Should we even risk it?

Let’s be honest, some people refuse to pick up a book that is part of a series because they simply don’t want to make that commitment. They aren’t sure they have the wherewithal to get attached to a certain group of characters and travel with them through a new world for thousands of pages. But many of us are not only ready to make that commitment, but we are also eagerly searching for the right one.

Book Series and Nurturing Anticipation

Does this sound familiar? You are reading through a book, either savoring it at an easy pace, or turning the pages as fast you can, and then you get to the end only to discover . . . you have to wait till the next book for the resolution you NEED now! And, what??? It will be at least a year before the next book comes out, maybe two or three or {Jesus, come quickly!} longer???

It reminds me of back in the day when I was watching a favorite television show and the season finale literally left the main character stranded in the middle of an ocean. All summer long, there he was in my mind, just bobbing in the waters and about to drown.

Why We Can Wait

Okay, so not everyone is as dramatic as me {praise God!}, but you get the point, right? Why put yourself through the heartache if you are going to wait f o r e v e r for the next installment in a beloved story? Maybe we should just wait till the entire series is written before we pick it up.

Weren’t you thrilled when Marissa Myers (of The Lunar Chronicles) came out with her third and final book in her Renegades series? Yes! Just pop over, buy the whole set, and read them all without having to wait for years .

But if everyone did that, then Jessica Townsend (of the Nevermoor series) would not have just landed her 6-book contract deal. Her third book is out in just a couple of months, and those pre-orders count, readers! They encourage traditional publishers that these are the types of books we want. Pre-orders count for indie-authors, too, because they tell online retailers and indie bookstores what to highlight.

Book Series and Character Growth

I discovered book series that were incomplete over this last year, but I wanted to invest. My criteria were simple and I only needed one to really push me to give the series a chance:

  1. Was at least the first book easy-to-access?
  2. Did I know and trust the author?
  3. Had I heard something promising about the series from a trusted source?

I’m not going to lie and say it always worked out. Several books disappointed me for various reasons {but that’s a different blog post}. I want to talk about the ones I find worth waiting for. For me, the most important thing in any book series is character growth and a redemptive story arc.

There is something satisfying about following characters around and seeing them make gradual changes, for better or worse, as a series progresses. I want a book full of characters who are real, flawed, and quirky. If they learn hard truths, make mistakes, pick themselves up, and eventually find their way–I’m a happy reader!

When you keep searching for the release date of the next book, then you know you found your series. I found this to be true for me after Jessica Townsend’s Nevermoor and Jennifer A. Neilson’s The Traitor’s Game, both of which have a third book coming out this spring {think pre-orders, friends!}

My Own Semi-Complete Book Series

I realize that you are probably in a similar place. You want a fun adventure with characters you love to see develop. You also long for some type of semi-resolution so you can sleep at night. I write what I like to read. When I was developing The Journey Series, I decided to write the entire series in three sets of trilogies. This provides enough story arc over the course of each trilogy that readers will feel satisfied {though still wanting more according to several reviews}. You can find the first three books (updated in 2020 to include the fourth book) in Rapunzel’s Journey here on Amazon, or find the first book for free here on all online stores.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

photography: Alan Lin, Ben White, Anthony Tran, Jessica “Kess” Vaughn, and Kinga Cichewicz

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Celebrating the End of a Hard Year

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This is not the end

How can we say we are celebrating the year if it was hard? If you’ve been struggling with illness, grief, job loss, or relationship issues, maybe you don’t know how. One look at my KanBan board reveals rows and rows of sticky note goals that haven’t been achieved and moved into the “CELEBRATE!” column.

When we are dealing with obstacles thrown into our path during life’s journey, discouragement tells us we are failures. But, what if we look beyond the planned success on our vision boards? I think there are things each of us have learned, perhaps the hard way, that are worth recognizing. Why not end the year celebrating those victories so that we can begin looking for such treasures in the New Year?

As you can see, I haven’t been able to “clear” my “to-do’s” on my KanBan Board.

Celebrating the Year: Recognize when coping becomes healing

I remember when I was younger a well-meaning teacher told me that coping was unhealthy. It was the path of developing strategies to avoid what needed to be dealt with. Being young and impressionable, I took her word for it and began to despise the word. I scrutinized and judged everyone around me who used coping mechanisms to survive.

But I’ve been trying to recover and heal from several things this year. For months, I was avoiding pain, both physical and emotional. Most of us have done this at one point in our lives, and there’s a cost. For me, migraines became debilitating and led to a dark depression riddled with suicidal thoughts.

My counselor has reminded me that we have to live our lives, not escape them. We must journey through the low points to reach the other side of healing. I’ve had to learn to process pain differently and try several different ways of relieving it because my body doesn’t respond well to many medicinal or natural remedies. Developing coping mechanisms to process has helped me work through my issues.

Prayer walking and #walkthankful

Below I use links to a fitness resource I have found essential for my chronic illness issues. Here is the link to their free open house during which you can try out all their courses and workouts free for the month of December. If you use any of these links, please know I will receive a small affiliate payment that will cost you nothing extra ONLY if you decide to invest at the end of the open house.

Recognizing I have to deal with the pain in my life, including the aching loss of my sister, I have begun moving my body again. Last November, right before my sister’s death, I joined the #walkthankful challenge by Fit2B. In it, you take a walk every day for the month and contemplate what you are thankful for. My life had become about migraines and my sister’s brain-injury, so I wanted to participate even if we couldn’t do it every day. I loved those short walks with her and I miss them.

Taking walks after her death felt impossible, but I knew I needed the warmth of movement to heal. So I began prayer-walking, pouring out my anger and anxiety to the God I was having a hard time trusting. As I walked through the pouring rain last spring, I cried. During the blazing hot months of summer, I shielded my eyes with sunglasses and decided to keep walking, keep praying, keep sweating. My mind would drift and it became less and less about my pain and more about the beauty the Creator had surrounded me with. By the time November came, I was ready and needing to walk in gratitude, even though it hurt to live through the horrible anniversary of her death.

Bonding with children and friends

What shouldn’t have surprised any of us is how God layers our days with support if we open our eyes. I had started counseling again, uprooting some bad habits and developing some healthier ones. My children often go on walks with me. My youngest loves chattering away happily as we discover secret pathways through our suburban neighborhood. Friends through FaceBook pray for me and my family, reaching out as we continue along. Fellow readers and writers on Instagram and Twitter have sent messages of support. I’ve even had readers of my books check in on me, people who feel like they know me simply because I have shared stories with them.

This linked-up community of chronic illness warriors has been a lifeline to so many, but I think it can go far beyond that. I believe people long for connection, but sometimes we have to take steps to make it happen. A year ago, when my sister Joy died, neighbors reached out to me. On her birthday, I made cookies in her memory, and went door to door delivering them. I did it because I wanted to do something good. Why not take the little bit of energy we have and do nice things for others? It took the focus off of me and my pain and placed it on others. I know we can’t do it all the time, but this was worth it. Though surprised, my neighbors and I had nice chats. My plan is to do this every year on Joy’s birthday.

Celebrating the Year: what to do with unmet goals

Over the past year, I thought I would have written two more books than I have. Instead, I’ve been processing, journaling, learning what I need to in order to survive this season. When I write my next memoir/Biblestudy, I pray it will have the depth and resolution it needs to help others. I can celebrate publishing Before the Tower and Amidst the Castles, but . . . It’s hard to let go those that didn’t happen. Each of my writing projects took longer and more out of me than I anticipated. I bet you understand. Those obstacles really take it out of us, don’t they?

I don’t yet have a great grasp on how long it takes me to accomplish things, but I do know I won’t quit until I have completed each project. The last novel for this year, Within the Spell, is finally through edits. It came out today, just in time for Christmas. *Deep Breath* It’s been a hard journey, but I’ve made progress and it’s worth celebrating this year. We learn, right? Let’s look at the next year and keep striving, but not pushing too hard or too fast.

Please share with us, what unexpected lesson learned can we celebrate with you? What path did you travel that you might not have wanted to, but you’re stronger for having traversed?

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Fall, Trees, and Books

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Spring and summer seem to be about fast-paced activities for my family and I found myself reaching for books with similar adventures in mind. I wanted page-turners, wild tales, loud characters. Racing through the first five Percy Jackson books was perfect and I loved every minute. But as we have been heading into fall and winter, something else is calling my name. Fall, trees, and books–can there be anything better?

Fall, Trees, and Books

The truth is, I am addicted to trees. When I was young, I remember being afraid of an upcoming family move. What if there weren’t enough trees to satisfy me? What if the wind didn’t move the branches and whisper through the leaves like I had grown to love? I am happy to report that I came to love the trees in my new neighborhood. There were blue firs that shook like a jolly santa laughing when the wind would blow and white birches with their golden leaves and pale, peeling bark. Trees everywhere, inviting me to come and walk and dream. I fell in love with autumn in the suburbs of Chicago, succumbing to the wonders of a four-season climate for the first time in my life. But there was something missing . . . mountains.

I no longer live in the suburbs of Chicago, but I look forward to this time of year. I live in the Tennessee River valley and our family is constantly driving over the mountains that surround us. They are heavily wooded and during autumn, the blaze of color is breath-taking. It’s no wonder that trees and mountains have come to play a prominent role in what I reach for to read and what I love to write. As I find myself looking for great books to recommend, I want it to be something thoughtful, something that speaks to my love of creation and how the setting is more of a character in the book than a simple backdrop.

Books with Trees

Usually, I will recommend young adult fantasy books to you, but this time I’m going to head a different direction. Let’s discuss one of the most underrated historical fantasy writers of our time, Stephen R. Lawhead. “Wait!” you might exclaim. “How can someone write history and weave it together with fantasy?” Well, let’s just say the man spends his time studying myths and legends in Oxford and then recreates them with such detail that they are titled “mythic history.” Did you hear my happy sigh?

In the King Raven Trilogy, Lawhead takes the legend of Robin Hood and sets it much earlier in Wales just as the Normans are conquering it. As in most of his novels, he depicts bards as those trained as druids who have been enlightened by medieval Christianity. Peasants hide deep in the wood to save their families from the plight of all conquered peoples. A spoiled noble, Bran, loses all he has in order to grow into the savior, the Robin Hood, his people need.

My eldest daughter, who received the books from me for Christmas one year, couldn’t stand Bran at first. It took a great deal of coaxing to convince her that the author wasn’t going to allow him to remain a scoundrel for the whole series. I love that about Lawhead. While some of his books have more mature themes than I typically recommend, he is all about boys shedding their immaturity and immorality in favor of becoming men who use their strength and resources to defend the weak and helpless.

My Favorite Parts

Life is brutal and messy, so if that bothers you, then this series will not be for you. But if you like new life breathed into old legends and lovely prose mixed in with clever strategy (King Raven is a master at trickery!) then I highly encourage you to find yourself a copy or two of the whole series. It won’t be fast reading, but something to savor. Expect Will Scarlet to make you cheer, Maid Merian to be wise and sassy, and of course, Friar Tuck to crack you up.

Possibly my favorite character is Angharad, a wise bard who teaches Bran to become the king he should be. She seems as old as the trees they hide among and her stories weave their magic throughout the books, calling each character to live the life they were created for.

After rereading the entire series, I see how profoundly these books have affected my own writing. No wonder Rapunzel keeps getting called back among the trees, enthralled by the cascade of colored leaves swirling to the ground. It’s fun to think of what might have happened had Lawhead’s version of Robin Hood met my Rapunzel. Fall, trees, and books, can there be anything better? But wait, what about the mountains? Well, they make their appearance in Within the Spell and I found inspiration for that book in another series . . . but that’s another blog.

Bookworm Fun

My dear bookworms, Within the Spell, the third novel in Rapunzel’s Journey, will be published in December in time for Christmas. Want to be notified as soon as you can order your copy? Click here now! You will receive the origin novella as my free gift to you and get monthly updates about all things journey-related. I promise to keep you in-the-loop without overloading your inbox.

Let me know what books sound good to you as the weather grows chilly here in the Northern Hemisphere. Where are you in the world? Does the weather affect your #TBR pile? If so, what’s next on your reading list?

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo Credit: Sebastian Unrau, Ricardo Gomez Angel, and Brigitte Tohm.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Is the Cost of Living Worth the Pain?

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Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

What is the Cost of Living?

I need to ask, Is the cost of living worth the pain? I know this question is a little frightening. We don’t want to talk about it, do we? Those who are risk-averse may understand what I’m about to share here. Many of us have past experience that tells us that life is costly, and those of us dealing with grief or any sort of health issues know that we are going to pay physically for every choice we make. And if we end up paying physically, there may be a financial cost as well.

It may seem better, easier to hide from the pain by not committing to things. I have done this and I have missed out on so much.

If you are bold, confident, and never struggle with indecision, you may be wondering what is wrong with everyone else. I know not everyone has the same issues, but you may be friends with or even be married to someone who does. Are you wondering, why are they so anxious? What is their deal? Just make a decision and move forward!

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Honestly? Impulsively plunging into something that is necessary or even sounds fun can become terrifying. Many of us are convinced we have to weigh the options. We may do this for days, going back and forth. And then, when we’ve finally made the choice, we end up second-guessing. We fear we were selfish using our energy the way we chose. Did we do enough for others with what we had? Why can’t we just do all the things?

A Painful Lesson in Organization

I’ve shared before that this past year has been difficult for our family. Right now, we are approaching the one-year anniversary of losing my sister, for whom I was a caregiver, in freak accident. My health, which was hampered by debilitating migraines before her death, has deteriorated as I tried to avoid the pain of grief. But in the past few months I’ve been meeting with a grief counselor, journaling, and confronting the depression and anxiety that gives me worse migraines and leads me to want to quit living.

As I have started to finally mourn, what I have discovered I hope will help others. One of the most incredible things in our lives is something I openly confess to you I am HORRIBLE AT. Organizing. I am a scattered, creative-type who finds people who know where to put things fascinating. Who are these demi-gods? But even in the midst of grieving, I have had big goals and great dreams, and I knew I needed to make room to try to reach them. That meant goal-setting, scheduling, etc. But anyone working through illness or grief or even just struggling with limited resources knows that the best-laid plans often get side-lined.

But what if we also make room for recovery, what if we make room for the movement of life–both inhaling and exhaling? What if we organize a silly week of fun, counting in the cost of living with limited abilities?

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Taking what I know

Even though I knew it was going to cost me, I did two things recently. They were both career-oriented and still fun. They also left me drained and in serious pain for at least a week afterward.

Knowing my children would be home for fall break an entire week and that I would likely struggle to accomplish normal work, I decided to combine the idea of stay-cation with celebrating our favorite book series. As part of my job as an author, I am continually posting on social media about great books and sharing in newsletters with my readers about fun things to do with those books.

The Cost of Book Week

Each day of our Book Week I got up and fought my normal migraines. We did silly things like raking the yard as our own silly (and oddly competitive) version of quidditch to celebrate Harry Potter. We ate blue food all day to celebrate our love of Percy Jackson. One day we chased each other in an odd game of hide-and-seek cyborgs versus Lunars to celebrate The Lunar Chronicles. On my favorite day, we went for hike in a nature preserve to celebrate Rapunzel’s Journey series and had freshly baked bread for supper.

But there was one day I couldn’t even get dressed I was in so much pain. I wore my sunglasses most of the day and felt bummed I couldn’t go on the front lawn to play pirate-sword-fighting to celebrate The Ascendance Trilogy. My kids understood and were even prepared for this possibility. We ended up sword fighting inside during one small surge of energy.

And the week after? I was toast. In “American” that means I had nothing left. To recover, I had to take giant breaks from social media, writing, and business goals. Thinking back on the week, though, I’m glad that I paid the cost for living and making memories with the kids. It’s a bright spot in comparison to a difficult year.

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Showing up

Similarly, I attended an online conference to help me grow as an author-entrepreneur. I completed 15 classes in three days and had a few meetings afterward to figure out how to best implement what I had learned. And, you guessed it, I was in horrific pain afterwards. It confirmed again that working from home is the only job I can manage right now, and if I don’t take breaks like I should, or if I push myself daily without having a rest day somewhere in between, the migraines get much worse.

So, why take the risk? Why push myself at all knowing the cost? Because I want to live my life and I feel that as long as I don’t do it always, I’m telling my illness “You’re not the boss of me!”

The Cost of Living is Worth the Pain

I’ve made choices like this since and I will keep doing so, but I am learning to cushion those choices with some grace. My hope is found in the gospels as it speaks over and over again of how Christ looked on the crowd with “compassion.” He saw them for who they were, sheep without a shepherd, and He knew what they were struggling with. In those passages, He makes room for them, feeding them, teaching them, sometimes even healing them. (see Mark 6:30-56).

I think that even now He sees me and He sees you with what we struggle against and what we struggle for. I love this quote:

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

What’s next for you?

So there are things ahead of us that we are called to. I know it will cost me, and it may cost you. We can also know if we choose the right things, the things that are worthwhile and matter we can pay for them with confidence. And maybe a little second-guessing. But mostly confidence.

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

photography: Chris Lawton, Timothy Eberly, and Eric Tompkins.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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