Author J Roe

Writing quirky characters on redemptive journeys

Chronic Illness

How to Choose the Right Book for Your Mood

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If you head over to Instagram, you’ll find all kinds of readers, self-professed book lovers, who are constantly sharing their favorite novels. They take beautiful pictures of book flatlays or do funny dances on their reels sharing what they loved and hated. But the question always comes down to what a book lover should reach for next. Just because you loved this particular author or series, are you really in the mood for more of that, or do you need something different? Are you a reader in search of the right formula to determine how to choose the right book for your mood?

What is a moody reader?

First, I need to state that not all of us bookworms are needing a formula. Many readers have a system that works for them. They have go-to authors or genres that they know will satisfy their book-cravings no matter what else is happening in their lives. What happened at work or in their personal lives does not change what they want to read. Horrible traffic or a screaming toddler who won’t go down for a nap? Doesn’t matter. They can just go on blissful autopilot when clicking for the next book.

But, if you are like me, you are HIGHLY impacted by your mood. In fact, your Goodreads might have several books “open” at a time on your “currently reading shelf”. Each day you might even be making progress in a different book. Go ahead, scroll through my Goodreads account. It will seem completely random, but I have discovered that it is anything BUT random.

How the pandemic changed my reading life

My mental health and current environment directly impact how I am feeling and what I’m reading. Right now my environment is still made up of a tightly knit family of Bible-believing bookworms who are still stuck at home due to the global pandemic. Struggling with chronic pain as well as depression and anxiety during the best of times, this past year has been . . . interesting.

Before the pandemic, I was reaching for lots of angsty young adult fantasy and Christian romantic suspense as my comfort reads. I loved the fast-pace and coming-of-age story arcs common in the former and the intrigue with the love story of the latter. But listening to fiction audiobooks? No, thank you. It literally put me to sleep. I preferred paperback to ebooks and hardbacks to paperback. Let me smell my fiction. Raise your hand if you’re a book-sniffer, too!

Now? I am still reading young adult fantasy books, but because of the angst level in many of those books, I have discovered that middle grade fantasy and clean romance/romantic comedies are more comforting right now. Fun action with magical worlds is still necessary, but I also need simple plot lines where two people have the promise of a happily-ever-after at the end of each book. Also, I’m taking greater care with my spiritual life, knowing it impacts my mental health directly. I used to sit and read my Bible almost every day (hey, I’m not perfect. I’d miss some days here and there.) But all of a sudden, I just couldn’t read it with my eyes anymore. I don’t know why, so I tried audio. Now, I’m listening to more of the Bible than I used to read daily and it is making a huge difference. As my speed in reading has increased, I also started gravitating towards ebooks. And once I started listening to the Bible, I tried ya fantasy and that was a win, too. Who knew?

How to judge the mood of a book

How did I know I needed to change my reading habits? I was no longer excited about reading. Simple as that. What had once been enjoyable suddenly felt like work. So I changed it up by noticing what was engaging and in what format I found it engaging. Mental health is a weird beast, but I’ve learned that if I remain flexible, my overall health benefits.

So, as you look to what you might need in your reading life right now, look closely at the covers. What colors and images are pulling you in? You’ll know it when you see it. Now, glance at the book description. What keywords are standing out? Are you finding that you like the sound of a straightforward, problem-solving, how-to book instead of a novel? Check out some self-help based on your interests in self-improvement. Do you desire to escape into a paranormal world where people are not what they seem and you can imagine you have secret gifts waiting to be discovered? Why not try paranormal fantasy? Or maybe, you feel drawn to something with comforting words, something that feels like a warm hug with a cookie (or biscuit for my UK friends) on the side. Cozy (or cosy) mysteries might be exactly what you need.

How to choose the right book for your mood

Do I think this will be forever? I doubt it. I’ve gone through many reading stages in my life and I always come back around to loving anything fantasy-related, so that’s a staple for me. Like I said, I’m still reading young adult fantasy, just enjoying it through my ears right now. I’ve also usually reached for something that had some sort of love-story, but because of my faith I choose to keep the steam-level to a minimum. That’s me, but what are you like?

At the time of writing this, vaccines are coming out and hope is on the horizon. Maybe there is peace ahead of us. But at the same time, racism is raging and the cancel-culture has people taking offense over so many details that many of us can’t keep up. If you’re a mood reader, you’ll be impacted by these things and need to choose your books wisely. Be open to new ways of thinking, but also be true to what you know is right. If you need escapism, choose something fun. If you’re ready for some deep thinking, go for it! Whatever you choose, enjoy your reading life and don’t let it become work.

Free Book(s) for you

If you are ready to try something new, why not sign up for my newsletter list and receive the prequel (free-quel) to Rapunzel’s journey, Before the Tower? You’ll get at least one email from me each month containing book recommendations and silly, bookish fun to engage your imagination and make you smile. Not ready for the commitment of a newsletter? You can wait on the prequel and start at book one for free. Click here to meet Rapunzel in Beyond the Tower as she stumbles through the fairy tale world after the witch casts her out. Book one is available in paperback and on all the online retailers where you can grab your copy now.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo Credit: Sincerely Media, Sincerely Media, Natasha Tirtabrata, Silviarita, and Tesjavi Ganjoo.

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Gratitude and Gardening During Lockdown

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Do you believe that gratitude and gardening during lockdown might lead us to enjoy life? Perhaps not a few months ago. But things have changed drastically since COVID 19 took over our lives. There are two ways to approach things, and I think gratitude, with a bit of gardening, can open our eyes.

Gratitude and Gardening

The irises and honey suckle are blooming behind my house, filling the air with a sweet fragrance. Wind rustles through the leaves, sounding like the waves coming up to shore. Everyday I see people enjoying the changing of the season–taking walks, smiling, and waving. Gardens are planted and weeded. DIY projects are at an all-time high with triple the normal sales at hardware and home improvement stores.

But I know that people are panicking, I’ve struggled with it despite the beauty of the season. There are many people out of work due to COVID 19, small business owners everywhere struggling to pivot in order to make sales online instead of in-person. Exhausted family members continue the tasks of being the only one out of the house. High-risk individuals self-quarantining feel cut-off.

It’s hard to see beauty and recognize what we have to be grateful for when we focus on what’s going wrong.

Gratitude During Hardships

If we don’t count our blessings–the flowers blooming, families walking outside together, etc.–our vision will narrow to the hardships. We foresee a dark world getting darker still. Instead of accessing the thankful heart we could grow and develop in our homes, we become the worst version of ouselves. I personally struggle with this. My tone becomes defensive, bitter, and I bite off the heads of people I profess to love. Family members have jerked away from me recently and I finally realized: I’ve allowed my fears to emerge, to take over.

It’s time for many of us to make space so we can take a step back. Refocus our eyes and ears, listen to God stir the wind through the trees. Breathe in deeply the fragrance of the flowers He’s awoken.

Mommie’s Legacy: My Upbringing to the Rescue

My mommie taught me this. When I first became ill with chronic migraines in high school, my vision narrowed then as well. My pain became everything to me. It determined when and what I ate. It determined where I went and what I wore. It even determined who I saw and what I was able to accomplish. Sound familiar? I had been a gregarious and silly teenager who loved to think deep thoughts and laugh loudly with friends. But I quickly morphed into a moody, light-sensitive, sound-sensitive agoraphobic, who clung to my home as though its dark rooms could shelter me from the pain.

My mommie handed me a book that helped me begin listing everything I was grateful for, everything that lifted my eyes beyond my pain to what was good, and right, and true. (see Philippians 4:8) My fingers stumbled at first, scratching out words slowly. Then, the words came in a rush, flowing through me. I covered at least three pages and could have kept going. The girl that loved the life she’d been given was still alive inside me. Just because I was in pain didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy my life.

Gratitude and Gardening During Lockdown

This pandemic lockdown has shut so many of us in, and I’ve found myself panicking as the feeling is all too familiar. But after talking to my counselor, I’m back to counting my blessings, focusing my mind on what is right and true. I have a home, a family, even flowers. My body can take walks. Last spring, I couldn’t do that. Pain and grief had overwhelmed me. I’m going to celebrate what I can do, not be upset that I can’t go to my favorite coffee shop. Maybe you and I can both choose joy and gratitude together despite the pain and fear.

Gratitude and gardening during lockdown may sound too simplistic, I know. There is real pain, real fear. I also know the key isn’t actually working in the dirt. You may hate gardening, and that’s fine. The key here is where is your focus? Have you concentrated on what you are blessed with? Or are you stressing about what you don’t have and all the horrible things that may happen?

Yes, little is certain, but we have been given this moment. We each have something, and it can be something small, to be grateful for. And with whatever is beautiful, we can share with others. Don’t make it complicated. It can be through a phone call, a gift placed on a doorstep, a six-foot-distanced visit outdoors. Our lives are a precious gift and even in the midst of hardship, we need to refocus, give thanks. I know this is changing me. What can you be grateful for?

During a crisis, our vision can narrow to what is wrong. But through practicing gratitude and gardening during lockdown, my new focus has helped me fight depression and chronic illness. Whether you are deciding if you should check out gardening for beginners or looking for self-discovery journal prompts, practicing gratitude in your daily life will change you. #gratitude #chronicillness #gardening #mentalhealth

About JacQueline

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

Author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, and  Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, which chronicles her battle with chronic pain and depression, JacQueline uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline to keep her writing healthy at no additional cost to you. 

JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. Please don’t substitute it for a professional therapist.

photography: Alex Basov, Annie Spratt, Meg Landrito, and Jessica “Kess” Vaughn.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We’re Shut-In

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Many of us feel desperate, searching for a shut-in’s guide to staying home. Maybe it would help us find the right path through the maze of COVID 19. Ironically, I feel as though the majority of my life has prepared me for this. I’ve lived home-bound off-and-on since high school due to complications involving debilitating chronic migraines and resulting depression and anxiety. I have found ways that help me continue to live a worthwhile life even when I can’t function as I would normally like to. Who knew there would be chronic illness tips to help us when we’re shut in?

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We're Shut In - authorjroe.com - With so many of us suddenly working from home and quarantined, chronic illness has much to teach during this uncertain time. Click through for tips I've learned the hard way when you are living as a shut-in with a life you can't predict or schedule. #chronicillness #workingfromhome #shutin #quarantined

Celebrating and Grieving

I live in the USA in Alabama, one of the last states to receive the coronavirus test. We were therefore one of the last states to begin locking down. My children would not be going to school as planned while I was away with my sisters. We were at the beach, spreading the ashes of the sister we lost in a horrific accident. We were also celebrating the life of our youngest sister, who this past year survived breast cancer. Even with the signs of how quickly things were beginning to shut-down, we tried to keep our focus on healing and each other. We knew we might never get such an opportunity to be together like this again.

I’ve never in my life had such a view before. The wind and the waves played together on the shore making me smile. Though I thought I was familiar with sea-loving birds, I saw more than the pelicans and seagulls I remembered from my Galveston Island childhood. My writer’s mind is always eating up bits of information like this. I breathed in the scent of the salt air, the warmth of the sun, the thundering crash of the waves. The sight of my sisters playing in the surf will not be forgotten! I walked on the sand, letting my feet memorize the feel of the wet sand and lapping waves. Each of these details are making their way into different scenes in my fairy tale novels.

Taking things one-at-a-time

Each morning I prayed on the open balcony facing the gulf. I prayed for God to provide, even as I adjusted to the news that my husband was temporarily laid-off due to the crisis. I asked God to care for my sisters and I as we grieved. Though there are times I don’t understand what God is doing, He has always proved to be faithful. I choose to hold onto that knowledge, at peace that he has promised to never leave or forsake me. Those prayers by the beach were solace for me.

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us

Returning home I began to realize what we needed to do in my family. Ocean breezes gone, I returned to the life I’m all too familiar with. I was thankful the migraines let up for me to enjoy my time on the shore. But even there chronic illness had covered my body in hives, a lingering allergic reaction to a migraine medication. Side note: Social distancing isn’t difficult when you look like you have chickenpox. So now I’m home trying to recover and help my family navigate staying home.

Something that may seem like common sense is all too easily forgotten in the pursuit of getting through each day while living on top of each other. Grace. We need it in abundance. When you live with a body that doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, you need help from others. But you also need to be gracious in how you ask and receive that help. Having a chronic illness can make you an impatient, bitter person, robbed of all you wanted out of life. Becoming home-bound can have a similar affect. Or, you can choose to be grateful for each moment you have. You can thank God for things you used to take for granted–like toilet paper.

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We're Shut In - authorjroe.com - With so many of us suddenly working from home and quarantined, chronic illness has much to teach during this uncertain time. Click through for tips I've learned the hard way when you are living as a shut-in with a life you can't predict or schedule. #chronicillness #workingfromhome #shutin #quarantined

Practice grace and be flexible

I need to practice this grace with my family. They are not used to staying home all the time. I’ve set up a routine that allows me to run my author business with the family at work or school. But now we are together–All. The. Time. My children are missing their friends, my husband is missing his occupation. They miss their sense of productivity and accomplishment at the end of each day. I need to help encourage them to find a new way to accomplish things. We have to use what we have available in our home.

Confessions? I need to fight my impatience to want to get back to writing my novel in silence. You know, without the sounds of chattering kids, the constant interruptions, and need for my input. Next week we’ll be adding distance learning on the computers for the kids till the end of the school year. That will take more adjusting for all of us. I don’t think I’m understating this if we are gracious and flexible, we can help love and cherish each other even now. And that’s the most important job we have.

Let go of what you can’t control

In order to establish a new normal to get through these times, I have to let go of what I can’t control and embrace what is good about now. That means setting soft writing and business goals that are easier to reach with the constant interruptions. It necessitates creating some fun family times. This won’t apply to all of you, but our family is full of avid readers. We are reading through a few series of books individually and now we will have time for lots of fun book discussions. Each family has some area where they shine and can enjoy interests together. Perhaps it’s fitting puzzles together, fitness, or baking treats.

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We're Shut In - authorjroe.com - With so many of us suddenly working from home and quarantined, chronic illness has much to teach during this uncertain time. Click through for tips I've learned the hard way when you are living as a shut-in with a life you can't predict or schedule. #chronicillness #workingfromhome #shutin #quarantined

I’d like to be running around getting groceries or handing out meals for those in the high-risk group, but I am in the high-risk group, so that’s out for me. Some things we can’t control, but we can choose to find good things about spending time in our homes, call or text people we are concerned about. There is much to be grateful for if we just look for it and there are ways to get through this difficult time if we work together with those we are living with.

So, how are you doing with all of this? Are there things you can do with your routine that will help you love the people you are living with? Are there people you can check-in on that would appreciate hearing from you?

About JacQueline

Author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, and  Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, which chronicles her battle with chronic pain and depression, JacQueline uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline to keep her writing healthy at no additional cost to you.

JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. Do not substitute it for a professional therapist or health care worker.

JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author consultant, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free author assessment to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: JacQueline Vaughn Roe and Kari Shea

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Chronic Illness and the Best Book Life

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Can chronic illness actually lead to the best book life? I would venture to say that it can and, in my life, has. I won’t tell you exactly what you should be reading here. (Sign up to my newsletter and get a free novella or check out my Goodreads reviews for more of that.) But I do want to share how books have become self-care for me.

In high school and again in college, I ended up as a virtual shut-in, only venturing out for doctor’s appointments, usually driven around by my parents. I found solace in reading, but I needed more and I found that outlet in writing. Books were a blessing from God in the form of consuming and creating.

Recently I have had to abandon another preventative medication due to yet another allergic reaction. One more doctor has said told me, “That’s it. You’ve tried everything I know of to try.” To compound the situation two other medications that help regulate my depression and anxiety ended up running out due to a huge doctor office/pharmacy/insurance company issue. Those with chronic life issues will understand all too well. By now I have those medications, but the depression and panic attacks linger as my body readjusts.

Chronic Illness Means We Keep Trying New Things

I tell you all of this not to garner sympathy, but to share encouragement. This bookish spoonie has decided to forge a new path, one that I have been slowly moving towards for a while. I hope in sharing this news, we can each look at what’s not working in our lives and make adjustments to find a better way. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to get well, my body is not going to do it by conventional means.

Okay, so I’m not just staying here in this dark place anymore, I’m going to be a person doing something. I’ve spoken quite frequently here and on my Instagram account about how vital walking has become in the search for healing. There are many days that I can’t tolerate the light, but my routine is now to walk my son to his bus stop in the morning and let him jabber away. We laugh together until the bus drives away and after he leaves, I take off walking.

Allow Yourself to Be

I don’t go far or fast right now. My body just won’t let me, but I’m choosing to move, like my fitness instructor Beth Learn has encouraged me to do. She argues against the all-or-nothing mentality. In several of her spoonie-friendly workouts, she tells us that even stretching counts. “This is enough, this has to be enough.” I hear in her voice in that particular restorative yoga workout the frustration with a society that distills women down to what we can or can’t do, instead of being who we are. 

So, who am I being? I am a woman who lives a life riddled by pain and darkness, but I fight for the light. That makes me a warrior bookworm. Now I love being outside my house, going for those walks when I can, drinking in the sound of birdsong, and I stay home and stretch with Beth when I can’t. I am actually able to drive most days and spend time with my children getting them to and from places. This is more than just doing, it is fighting the battle of pain to be the woman I want to be.

Which leads me to the next life-giving practice I am experimenting with. Are you ready for this? Green light in a dark room. No really, green light in a dark room. In this article, there have been early studies linking a decrease in migraines from exposure to LED green lights. Like, from 24 migraine days a month decreasing to 7. What’s the treatment look like? 2 hours in a completely dark room except for a green LED light. My husband read the article and ordered a package of them immediately. Weird, right? And, good grief, who has time to sit in a dark room with a green light for 2 hours a day? What’s a bookish spoonie to do? READ!

Do Books Qualify as Self-Care?

So, now after my walk, I spend my time in the morning reading my Bible and journaling with a green LED light. I call it my green light therapy with God. His Word refreshes me and reminds of what is true and right. Writing to Him in my journal, I brainstorm how to apply what I’m learning, I give Him my frustrations, and I praise Him for at least three things each day.

I end my day taking a bath with a good book and green light. All those books that have been piling up in my To Be Read stack? I’m getting through them and my reading goal for the year will soon be reached. I’m discovering new authors, studying different writing techniques, and relaxing. I don’t know yet if the light is making a difference for daily migraines, but I do know I feel better during the therapy itself. It might be all the indulgent reading I feel justified in enjoying. (You can find my reviews here or sign-up for my newsletter for a more in-depth look.)

Chronic Illness and the Best Book Self-Care

I mean, I write and read for a living, right? So this should just be part of my life now. And I’m learning so much about how to relax and let go of things. I keep thinking I’ve learned the lesson of targeting my stressors and uprooting them, but it isn’t actually things that stress me. It’s toxic thinking. So I’m becoming ferocious in catching when I am stressing myself out and taking a step back.

Social media causing you stress? Start scheduling posts. Not enough time to schedule, you say? Take a little break. Breathe. Pray. Journal. Read a book. Enjoy a walk. Talk to a friend. All these things are helping me calm down and they might help you, too. And now that I have given myself permission to try different and unusual things to try to get well, I may actually get there. And even if my “well” doesn’t look normal, it will be my normal, a life I enjoy with the very best books.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: Joel Muniz, Nicole Wolf, and David Lezcano

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Celebrating the End of a Hard Year

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This is not the end

How can we say we are celebrating the year if it was hard? If you’ve been struggling with illness, grief, job loss, or relationship issues, maybe you don’t know how. One look at my KanBan board reveals rows and rows of sticky note goals that haven’t been achieved and moved into the “CELEBRATE!” column.

When we are dealing with obstacles thrown into our path during life’s journey, discouragement tells us we are failures. But, what if we look beyond the planned success on our vision boards? I think there are things each of us have learned, perhaps the hard way, that are worth recognizing. Why not end the year celebrating those victories so that we can begin looking for such treasures in the New Year?

As you can see, I haven’t been able to “clear” my “to-do’s” on my KanBan Board.

Celebrating the Year: Recognize when coping becomes healing

I remember when I was younger a well-meaning teacher told me that coping was unhealthy. It was the path of developing strategies to avoid what needed to be dealt with. Being young and impressionable, I took her word for it and began to despise the word. I scrutinized and judged everyone around me who used coping mechanisms to survive.

But I’ve been trying to recover and heal from several things this year. For months, I was avoiding pain, both physical and emotional. Most of us have done this at one point in our lives, and there’s a cost. For me, migraines became debilitating and led to a dark depression riddled with suicidal thoughts.

My counselor has reminded me that we have to live our lives, not escape them. We must journey through the low points to reach the other side of healing. I’ve had to learn to process pain differently and try several different ways of relieving it because my body doesn’t respond well to many medicinal or natural remedies. Developing coping mechanisms to process has helped me work through my issues.

Prayer walking and #walkthankful

Below I use links to a fitness resource I have found essential for my chronic illness issues. Here is the link to their free open house during which you can try out all their courses and workouts free for the month of December. If you use any of these links, please know I will receive a small affiliate payment that will cost you nothing extra ONLY if you decide to invest at the end of the open house.

Recognizing I have to deal with the pain in my life, including the aching loss of my sister, I have begun moving my body again. Last November, right before my sister’s death, I joined the #walkthankful challenge by Fit2B. In it, you take a walk every day for the month and contemplate what you are thankful for. My life had become about migraines and my sister’s brain-injury, so I wanted to participate even if we couldn’t do it every day. I loved those short walks with her and I miss them.

Taking walks after her death felt impossible, but I knew I needed the warmth of movement to heal. So I began prayer-walking, pouring out my anger and anxiety to the God I was having a hard time trusting. As I walked through the pouring rain last spring, I cried. During the blazing hot months of summer, I shielded my eyes with sunglasses and decided to keep walking, keep praying, keep sweating. My mind would drift and it became less and less about my pain and more about the beauty the Creator had surrounded me with. By the time November came, I was ready and needing to walk in gratitude, even though it hurt to live through the horrible anniversary of her death.

Bonding with children and friends

What shouldn’t have surprised any of us is how God layers our days with support if we open our eyes. I had started counseling again, uprooting some bad habits and developing some healthier ones. My children often go on walks with me. My youngest loves chattering away happily as we discover secret pathways through our suburban neighborhood. Friends through FaceBook pray for me and my family, reaching out as we continue along. Fellow readers and writers on Instagram and Twitter have sent messages of support. I’ve even had readers of my books check in on me, people who feel like they know me simply because I have shared stories with them.

This linked-up community of chronic illness warriors has been a lifeline to so many, but I think it can go far beyond that. I believe people long for connection, but sometimes we have to take steps to make it happen. A year ago, when my sister Joy died, neighbors reached out to me. On her birthday, I made cookies in her memory, and went door to door delivering them. I did it because I wanted to do something good. Why not take the little bit of energy we have and do nice things for others? It took the focus off of me and my pain and placed it on others. I know we can’t do it all the time, but this was worth it. Though surprised, my neighbors and I had nice chats. My plan is to do this every year on Joy’s birthday.

Celebrating the Year: what to do with unmet goals

Over the past year, I thought I would have written two more books than I have. Instead, I’ve been processing, journaling, learning what I need to in order to survive this season. When I write my next memoir/Biblestudy, I pray it will have the depth and resolution it needs to help others. I can celebrate publishing Before the Tower and Amidst the Castles, but . . . It’s hard to let go those that didn’t happen. Each of my writing projects took longer and more out of me than I anticipated. I bet you understand. Those obstacles really take it out of us, don’t they?

I don’t yet have a great grasp on how long it takes me to accomplish things, but I do know I won’t quit until I have completed each project. The last novel for this year, Within the Spell, is finally through edits. It came out today, just in time for Christmas. *Deep Breath* It’s been a hard journey, but I’ve made progress and it’s worth celebrating this year. We learn, right? Let’s look at the next year and keep striving, but not pushing too hard or too fast.

Please share with us, what unexpected lesson learned can we celebrate with you? What path did you travel that you might not have wanted to, but you’re stronger for having traversed?

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Is the Cost of Living Worth the Pain?

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Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

What is the Cost of Living?

I need to ask, Is the cost of living worth the pain? I know this question is a little frightening. We don’t want to talk about it, do we? Those who are risk-averse may understand what I’m about to share here. Many of us have past experience that tells us that life is costly, and those of us dealing with grief or any sort of health issues know that we are going to pay physically for every choice we make. And if we end up paying physically, there may be a financial cost as well.

It may seem better, easier to hide from the pain by not committing to things. I have done this and I have missed out on so much.

If you are bold, confident, and never struggle with indecision, you may be wondering what is wrong with everyone else. I know not everyone has the same issues, but you may be friends with or even be married to someone who does. Are you wondering, why are they so anxious? What is their deal? Just make a decision and move forward!

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Honestly? Impulsively plunging into something that is necessary or even sounds fun can become terrifying. Many of us are convinced we have to weigh the options. We may do this for days, going back and forth. And then, when we’ve finally made the choice, we end up second-guessing. We fear we were selfish using our energy the way we chose. Did we do enough for others with what we had? Why can’t we just do all the things?

A Painful Lesson in Organization

I’ve shared before that this past year has been difficult for our family. Right now, we are approaching the one-year anniversary of losing my sister, for whom I was a caregiver, in freak accident. My health, which was hampered by debilitating migraines before her death, has deteriorated as I tried to avoid the pain of grief. But in the past few months I’ve been meeting with a grief counselor, journaling, and confronting the depression and anxiety that gives me worse migraines and leads me to want to quit living.

As I have started to finally mourn, what I have discovered I hope will help others. One of the most incredible things in our lives is something I openly confess to you I am HORRIBLE AT. Organizing. I am a scattered, creative-type who finds people who know where to put things fascinating. Who are these demi-gods? But even in the midst of grieving, I have had big goals and great dreams, and I knew I needed to make room to try to reach them. That meant goal-setting, scheduling, etc. But anyone working through illness or grief or even just struggling with limited resources knows that the best-laid plans often get side-lined.

But what if we also make room for recovery, what if we make room for the movement of life–both inhaling and exhaling? What if we organize a silly week of fun, counting in the cost of living with limited abilities?

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Taking what I know

Even though I knew it was going to cost me, I did two things recently. They were both career-oriented and still fun. They also left me drained and in serious pain for at least a week afterward.

Knowing my children would be home for fall break an entire week and that I would likely struggle to accomplish normal work, I decided to combine the idea of stay-cation with celebrating our favorite book series. As part of my job as an author, I am continually posting on social media about great books and sharing in newsletters with my readers about fun things to do with those books.

The Cost of Book Week

Each day of our Book Week I got up and fought my normal migraines. We did silly things like raking the yard as our own silly (and oddly competitive) version of quidditch to celebrate Harry Potter. We ate blue food all day to celebrate our love of Percy Jackson. One day we chased each other in an odd game of hide-and-seek cyborgs versus Lunars to celebrate The Lunar Chronicles. On my favorite day, we went for hike in a nature preserve to celebrate Rapunzel’s Journey series and had freshly baked bread for supper.

But there was one day I couldn’t even get dressed I was in so much pain. I wore my sunglasses most of the day and felt bummed I couldn’t go on the front lawn to play pirate-sword-fighting to celebrate The Ascendance Trilogy. My kids understood and were even prepared for this possibility. We ended up sword fighting inside during one small surge of energy.

And the week after? I was toast. In “American” that means I had nothing left. To recover, I had to take giant breaks from social media, writing, and business goals. Thinking back on the week, though, I’m glad that I paid the cost for living and making memories with the kids. It’s a bright spot in comparison to a difficult year.

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Showing up

Similarly, I attended an online conference to help me grow as an author-entrepreneur. I completed 15 classes in three days and had a few meetings afterward to figure out how to best implement what I had learned. And, you guessed it, I was in horrific pain afterwards. It confirmed again that working from home is the only job I can manage right now, and if I don’t take breaks like I should, or if I push myself daily without having a rest day somewhere in between, the migraines get much worse.

So, why take the risk? Why push myself at all knowing the cost? Because I want to live my life and I feel that as long as I don’t do it always, I’m telling my illness “You’re not the boss of me!”

The Cost of Living is Worth the Pain

I’ve made choices like this since and I will keep doing so, but I am learning to cushion those choices with some grace. My hope is found in the gospels as it speaks over and over again of how Christ looked on the crowd with “compassion.” He saw them for who they were, sheep without a shepherd, and He knew what they were struggling with. In those passages, He makes room for them, feeding them, teaching them, sometimes even healing them. (see Mark 6:30-56).

I think that even now He sees me and He sees you with what we struggle against and what we struggle for. I love this quote:

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

What’s next for you?

So there are things ahead of us that we are called to. I know it will cost me, and it may cost you. We can also know if we choose the right things, the things that are worthwhile and matter we can pay for them with confidence. And maybe a little second-guessing. But mostly confidence.

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

photography: Chris Lawton, Timothy Eberly, and Eric Tompkins.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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