Author J Roe

Writing quirky characters on redemptive journeys

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Chronic Illness and the Best Book Life

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Can chronic illness actually lead to the best book life? I would venture to say that it can and, in my life, has. I won’t tell you exactly what you should be reading here. (Sign up to my newsletter and get a free novella or check out my Goodreads reviews for more of that.) But I do want to share how books have become self-care for me.

In high school and again in college, I ended up as a virtual shut-in, only venturing out for doctor’s appointments, usually driven around by my parents. I found solace in reading, but I needed more and I found that outlet in writing. Books were a blessing from God in the form of consuming and creating.

Recently I have had to abandon another preventative medication due to yet another allergic reaction. One more doctor has said told me, “That’s it. You’ve tried everything I know of to try.” To compound the situation two other medications that help regulate my depression and anxiety ended up running out due to a huge doctor office/pharmacy/insurance company issue. Those with chronic life issues will understand all too well. By now I have those medications, but the depression and panic attacks linger as my body readjusts.

Chronic Illness Means We Keep Trying New Things

I tell you all of this not to garner sympathy, but to share encouragement. This bookish spoonie has decided to forge a new path, one that I have been slowly moving towards for a while. I hope in sharing this news, we can each look at what’s not working in our lives and make adjustments to find a better way. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to get well, my body is not going to do it by conventional means.

Okay, so I’m not just staying here in this dark place anymore, I’m going to be a person doing something. I’ve spoken quite frequently here and on my Instagram account about how vital walking has become in the search for healing. There are many days that I can’t tolerate the light, but my routine is now to walk my son to his bus stop in the morning and let him jabber away. We laugh together until the bus drives away and after he leaves, I take off walking.

Allow Yourself to Be

I don’t go far or fast right now. My body just won’t let me, but I’m choosing to move, like my fitness instructor Beth Learn has encouraged me to do. She argues against the all-or-nothing mentality. In several of her spoonie-friendly workouts, she tells us that even stretching counts. “This is enough, this has to be enough.” I hear in her voice in that particular restorative yoga workout the frustration with a society that distills women down to what we can or can’t do, instead of being who we are. 

So, who am I being? I am a woman who lives a life riddled by pain and darkness, but I fight for the light. That makes me a warrior bookworm. Now I love being outside my house, going for those walks when I can, drinking in the sound of birdsong, and I stay home and stretch with Beth when I can’t. I am actually able to drive most days and spend time with my children getting them to and from places. This is more than just doing, it is fighting the battle of pain to be the woman I want to be.

Which leads me to the next life-giving practice I am experimenting with. Are you ready for this? Green light in a dark room. No really, green light in a dark room. In this article, there have been early studies linking a decrease in migraines from exposure to LED green lights. Like, from 24 migraine days a month decreasing to 7. What’s the treatment look like? 2 hours in a completely dark room except for a green LED light. My husband read the article and ordered a package of them immediately. Weird, right? And, good grief, who has time to sit in a dark room with a green light for 2 hours a day? What’s a bookish spoonie to do? READ!

Do Books Qualify as Self-Care?

So, now after my walk, I spend my time in the morning reading my Bible and journaling with a green LED light. I call it my green light therapy with God. His Word refreshes me and reminds of what is true and right. Writing to Him in my journal, I brainstorm how to apply what I’m learning, I give Him my frustrations, and I praise Him for at least three things each day.

I end my day taking a bath with a good book and green light. All those books that have been piling up in my To Be Read stack? I’m getting through them and my reading goal for the year will soon be reached. I’m discovering new authors, studying different writing techniques, and relaxing. I don’t know yet if the light is making a difference for daily migraines, but I do know I feel better during the therapy itself. It might be all the indulgent reading I feel justified in enjoying. (You can find my reviews here or sign-up for my newsletter for a more in-depth look.)

Chronic Illness and the Best Book Self-Care

I mean, I write and read for a living, right? So this should just be part of my life now. And I’m learning so much about how to relax and let go of things. I keep thinking I’ve learned the lesson of targeting my stressors and uprooting them, but it isn’t actually things that stress me. It’s toxic thinking. So I’m becoming ferocious in catching when I am stressing myself out and taking a step back.

Social media causing you stress? Start scheduling posts. Not enough time to schedule, you say? Take a little break. Breathe. Pray. Journal. Read a book. Enjoy a walk. Talk to a friend. All these things are helping me calm down and they might help you, too. And now that I have given myself permission to try different and unusual things to try to get well, I may actually get there. And even if my “well” doesn’t look normal, it will be my normal, a life I enjoy with the very best books.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: Joel Muniz, Nicole Wolf, and David Lezcano

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Celebrating the End of a Hard Year

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This is not the end

How can we say we are celebrating the year if it was hard? If you’ve been struggling with illness, grief, job loss, or relationship issues, maybe you don’t know how. One look at my KanBan board reveals rows and rows of sticky note goals that haven’t been achieved and moved into the “CELEBRATE!” column.

When we are dealing with obstacles thrown into our path during life’s journey, discouragement tells us we are failures. But, what if we look beyond the planned success on our vision boards? I think there are things each of us have learned, perhaps the hard way, that are worth recognizing. Why not end the year celebrating those victories so that we can begin looking for such treasures in the New Year?

As you can see, I haven’t been able to “clear” my “to-do’s” on my KanBan Board.

Celebrating the Year: Recognize when coping becomes healing

I remember when I was younger a well-meaning teacher told me that coping was unhealthy. It was the path of developing strategies to avoid what needed to be dealt with. Being young and impressionable, I took her word for it and began to despise the word. I scrutinized and judged everyone around me who used coping mechanisms to survive.

But I’ve been trying to recover and heal from several things this year. For months, I was avoiding pain, both physical and emotional. Most of us have done this at one point in our lives, and there’s a cost. For me, migraines became debilitating and led to a dark depression riddled with suicidal thoughts.

My counselor has reminded me that we have to live our lives, not escape them. We must journey through the low points to reach the other side of healing. I’ve had to learn to process pain differently and try several different ways of relieving it because my body doesn’t respond well to many medicinal or natural remedies. Developing coping mechanisms to process has helped me work through my issues.

Prayer walking and #walkthankful

Below I use links to a fitness resource I have found essential for my chronic illness issues. Here is the link to their free open house during which you can try out all their courses and workouts free for the month of December. If you use any of these links, please know I will receive a small affiliate payment that will cost you nothing extra ONLY if you decide to invest at the end of the open house.

Recognizing I have to deal with the pain in my life, including the aching loss of my sister, I have begun moving my body again. Last November, right before my sister’s death, I joined the #walkthankful challenge by Fit2B. In it, you take a walk every day for the month and contemplate what you are thankful for. My life had become about migraines and my sister’s brain-injury, so I wanted to participate even if we couldn’t do it every day. I loved those short walks with her and I miss them.

Taking walks after her death felt impossible, but I knew I needed the warmth of movement to heal. So I began prayer-walking, pouring out my anger and anxiety to the God I was having a hard time trusting. As I walked through the pouring rain last spring, I cried. During the blazing hot months of summer, I shielded my eyes with sunglasses and decided to keep walking, keep praying, keep sweating. My mind would drift and it became less and less about my pain and more about the beauty the Creator had surrounded me with. By the time November came, I was ready and needing to walk in gratitude, even though it hurt to live through the horrible anniversary of her death.

Bonding with children and friends

What shouldn’t have surprised any of us is how God layers our days with support if we open our eyes. I had started counseling again, uprooting some bad habits and developing some healthier ones. My children often go on walks with me. My youngest loves chattering away happily as we discover secret pathways through our suburban neighborhood. Friends through FaceBook pray for me and my family, reaching out as we continue along. Fellow readers and writers on Instagram and Twitter have sent messages of support. I’ve even had readers of my books check in on me, people who feel like they know me simply because I have shared stories with them.

This linked-up community of chronic illness warriors has been a lifeline to so many, but I think it can go far beyond that. I believe people long for connection, but sometimes we have to take steps to make it happen. A year ago, when my sister Joy died, neighbors reached out to me. On her birthday, I made cookies in her memory, and went door to door delivering them. I did it because I wanted to do something good. Why not take the little bit of energy we have and do nice things for others? It took the focus off of me and my pain and placed it on others. I know we can’t do it all the time, but this was worth it. Though surprised, my neighbors and I had nice chats. My plan is to do this every year on Joy’s birthday.

Celebrating the Year: what to do with unmet goals

Over the past year, I thought I would have written two more books than I have. Instead, I’ve been processing, journaling, learning what I need to in order to survive this season. When I write my next memoir/Biblestudy, I pray it will have the depth and resolution it needs to help others. I can celebrate publishing Before the Tower and Amidst the Castles, but . . . It’s hard to let go those that didn’t happen. Each of my writing projects took longer and more out of me than I anticipated. I bet you understand. Those obstacles really take it out of us, don’t they?

I don’t yet have a great grasp on how long it takes me to accomplish things, but I do know I won’t quit until I have completed each project. The last novel for this year, Within the Spell, is finally through edits. It came out today, just in time for Christmas. *Deep Breath* It’s been a hard journey, but I’ve made progress and it’s worth celebrating this year. We learn, right? Let’s look at the next year and keep striving, but not pushing too hard or too fast.

Please share with us, what unexpected lesson learned can we celebrate with you? What path did you travel that you might not have wanted to, but you’re stronger for having traversed?

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Why Dread Writing Newsletters?

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I recently became aware that my time writing and researching the author business has enabled me to be help other entrepreneurs. I thought I would begin posting monthly a short blog about best current practices, often reviewing a helpful book you may want to add to your arsenal. The first resource I want to review is Newsletter Ninja, which helped me answer the question, Why do I dread newsletters?

Why should you write newsletters?

If you dread writing newsletters, you may easily convince yourself to skip it. I have done so myself. As an author, I spend my time writing words and making my words tell stories in a book form that will help others by either entertaining or teaching, sometimes both. Why on earth would I want to take out time from that important endeavor? Other tasks in each of our businesses take enormous amounts of concentration and stopping to write an email seems superfluous–maybe even outdated. Isn’t everyone sick of spammy newsletters clogging up their inbox?

But, I have become convinced by experts that I need to have an authentic way to connect with my ideal readers. After all, social media, one of the ways I originally connected with readers, has become increasingly pay-to-play. Platforms like Facebook have buried organic reach, making it harder and harder for people to see a post unless we are spending money to create ads.

But, good grief, I have spent years overthinking every newsletter I was writing. I was working hard, but getting no-where. So when I heard this awesome interview with Tammi Labreque about her book Newsletter Ninja, I decided to spend a few dollars and check it out. And you know what? Things are starting to come together for me.

Do you dread writing newsletters?

If you are convinced that you need a way to develop a relationship with your ideal readers or customers, this book has some amazing insight into how to do so. Tammi uses her great sense of humor (and some profanity, if that bothers you) to share years of helpful experience.

While reading the book, I realized why I’ve been dreading writing my newsletters. I’ve been viewing them as a frustrating and useless interruption to writing. But Tammi’s suggestion to re-imagine my perfect reader and invite them into a fun conversation each month changed my perspective.

So, I did. I thought of who would love to purchase my product, in my case, my current series. What would we have in common? What other things would this imaginary-but-not-imaginary-friend enjoy that I might be able to discuss monthly?

This month’s encouragement: Stop dreading writing newsletters

There is so much wonderful information in this book, that I highly recommend it. It can literally help you stop dreading writing newsletters and instead enjoy it! Tammi shares criteria to help you choose an email provider, how to keep your newsletters from going to the spam folder, why and how to create an automated onboarding sequence, and most importantly, she reminds us to always provide something worthwhile to your reader. I have not yet implemented everything in the book and it may take another business year to get it all right. But you know what? I’m not dreading writing my newsletter anymore!

So, this month, I want to encourage you to have a little fun. Make a date with yourself and create a profile of your favorite kind of reader. Don’t just imagine yourself with a new name. Tammi is pretty adamant that though we may like our own writing, we are not our ideal reader.

Dive deep and think about the kind of super-fan you would love to connect with. You might even poll your current readers through social media (Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram Stories all love polls right now). What kinds of shows would this ideal reader be drawn to? Is it mainly men or women? Single or married or divorced? With or without children? A person who binges Hallmark Christmas movies, or stands in line for hours to get the newest Apple product?

Ask those random questions and some targeted ones. See what comes up! Think it over carefully and then, write your newsletter to that very specific person. Have fun, ask at least one question that kind of person is dying to answer, and share something to make their life better.

Newsletters to check out

Now, I don’t know that I would have picked up the book Newsletter Ninja if the timing had not coincided with discovering two very different, but wonderful approaches to newsletters. I highly recommend you check out Susan May Warren and Erica Baldwin to see helpful and fun examples of writers who make it a pleasure to open your email. Also, if you know of a writer whose newsletter you love, share it in the comments or on social media so we can follow along and learn.

Of course, I’d love to have you on my newsletter if you enjoy fairytale retellings, or just want to subscribe for a few months to see how I’m implementing what I’ve learned. My onboarding sequence will first take you to my freebie, which is a novella you can find here.

Next month, I will be reviewing another helpful resource. What would you like me to tackle next?

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author consultant, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free author assessment to learn what steps you should take next now.

Author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, and  Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, which chronicles her battle with chronic pain and depression, JacQueline uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy.

JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. It should never be substituted for a professional therapist.

photography: Kaitlyn Baker and J. Kelly Brito

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Planning for Joy

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I want to get to the good part of this story, the part where I share with you how everything got better. But even as I sit here in pain, I know the struggle isn’t over. We should know this by now, shouldn’t we? As long as we are alive, it’s going be a battle. For some of us, it’s a difficult job that perhaps doesn’t pay enough or maybe the loss of a loved one. For others, it’s our marriage or perhaps our singleness that is hard to live with. There are the less dramatic issues of the lack of motivation and dealing with squabbling children. Still, others like me wrestle with bodies that don’t work right. What do we do with these issues? How do we move forward in order to embrace a life full of joy in the midst of heartbreak, grief, and pain?

Inspire and Educate

Yesterday morning I stood onstage ready to share with a few hundred squirming students. I was there to inspire and educate, but they were the ones inspiring me. As they sat on their cafeteria stools staring up at me, I remembered myself at their age. I would look at the guest author who had come to speak to us and I imagined what I would do when I finally grew up. I would be a writer, an author, someone who created worlds with her words. Oh, the places I would transport my readers! Oh, the adventures they would take with my characters! The young me imagined the shape that my life would take and it was breathtaking.

But the young me never imagined a life of debilitating chronic migraines. I bet your younger you didn’t, perhaps couldn’t imagine the difficulties you would face one day. As I stared into the little faces full of expectant hope, I wanted to share some of the hard truth I’d learned, but I wanted to do it in a way that encouraged them to keep dreaming and keep striving.

Story Seeds

I held up my fingers and asked the students to imitate me. “This is a story seed,” I began, and I told them how important a seed was. It contained all the excitement of a new life inside it, but it was going to take work to bring that life into being. We talked about the obstacles and barriers. We talked about unexpected surprises. It was time to introduce them to Rapunzel and we discussed her fairytale.

I selected three students to play Rapunzel, the witch, and the man who befriends Rapunzel. (You would have loved the little girl I selected from the audience to be the witch. She had a wicked laugh!). The witch had a little too much fun “throwing” the man out the window, cutting off Rapunzel’s hair and casting her out into the unknown to travel “Beyond the Tower.” The kids loved that part!

Since I had their attention, I shared some of my musings, my story seeds. Did Rapunzel know how to make more friends? How would she find a way to earn her bread after being locked away her whole life? What would she do if the witch didn’t leave her alone and kept tormenting her? I shared with them that Rapunzel almost gave up in that first book and that she, like all of us, had to figure out the answer to one of the most powerful questions in the entire universe.

Why? Why am I doing this?

This is a question I have to answer before I go to bed at night or when the pain hits me in the morning, I won’t be able to find the strength in me to beat back the depression and scramble out of bed. But my husband needs me up and moving. My children need me loving them and making breakfast. And you know what? My reason “why” to get out of bed and fight against chronic pain is really the only thing that keeps me going.

I have struggled with “Why am I doing this?” in almost every aspect of my life, including writing Rapunzel’s story. My true “why” is because I have a relationship with the God who loves me. I want to joyfully live the life He has blessed me with, even though that life is painful. Right now, that means trudging through chronic pain and dealing with grief over the loss of my beloved sister. When everything else falls away and that’s all I have left, I pray He will help me find that His grace is sufficient. It’s not just a feeling, His joy truly is strength. (I’m still trying to understand Nehemiah 8:10.)

We must quiet ourselves

I found it to be true today. You see, I was supposed to look in those upturned faces a little over a month ago and share with them how to find their whys and not give up on their dreams when working for them seemed too hard. But on the day I was supposed to share with the students, I barely got out of bed. I tried everything I knew to do to get some relief so I could drive. But I still had to cancel. The teacher who had booked me to come in kindly said we could reschedule, but I felt afraid. I felt the guilt of having let down the teachers and students. I was scared to plan and fail again.

It feels like all of life is a risk, doesn’t it? No matter where we turn, we have decisions we have to make, and it is easy to become paralyzed by doubt and self-recrimination. I think this is when we must quiet ourselves, become aware of the negative thoughts buzzing in our minds. We need to take captive thoughts that are lies, the ones trying to keep us from worshipping God with our whole selves.

Giving back by never giving up

You know what I did? I got out my calendar. It felt like a huge risk, a great act of faith, but I rescheduled. That little act was weighty. I realize now I was planning for joy, making space for God to show up and make things possible. Dear friends were asked to pray. I made certain that I had the right medicine available. The day before was spent practicing and preparing to go make lots of new friends so I could share with them that we must never give up, never give in.

And, though I awoke in pain, the medicine helped this time. My family helped get me ready. I was able to drive. And I had so much fun! At last after months of being mostly house-bound, a shut-in, I was giving back by sharing a little of what I am learning so we will “never, never, never give in.” (Winston Churchill)

You are not alone

Have you noticed that I usually end my posts this way? Think through your life. What you are currently wrestling with? I may not know, but I believe I know the One who made you, who sees you, who longs to help you by being your “why”. He wants to be the reason you get out of bed in the morning and keep trying. He wants to be your everything. I have discovered that even as I am thrashing around in this life, reeling from the loss of my sister and in more pain than I can put a number to, He gives my life meaning and purpose. He fills me with joy–but it’s not a feeling. Peace comes as an assurance that harmony is being worked to restructure the cacophony.

I will say it every chance I get, every chance you will let me, dear one. He is not through with you, He is not through with me. He promises that once He has begun a good work in you, He will be faithful to complete it. (see Philippians 1:6) We can trust Him because He has proven Himself trustworthy.

The truth is this life is tiring no matter what you are dealing with, but we don’t have to deal with it alone. God has surrounded us with people who will help us along the way if we will only reach out. No matter where you are on this journey, please reach out. Let me or someone you trust know how we can pray for you. Feel free to follow me as I keep #searchingforjoy on Instagram and Facebook, as I keep reaching for excellence in writing on Twitter and my other Instagram account. You are not alone, we can do this together.

If you would like more information about Rapunzel’s misadventures, you can purchase her books on Amazon or Kobo. I’m excited to announce that the sequel, Amidst the Castles, will be published at the end of April. Contact me if you would like an advanced copy. If you would like to know more of my story of hope, you can purchase it on Amazon.

A special “thank you” to Sheryl Chan for April’s chance to “link-up” with other chronic illness warriors. It is an honor to be part of this community.

Photo credit: Giulia Bertelli, Greg Rakozy, and Alexander Possingham.

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