Author J Roe

Writing quirky characters on redemptive journeys

chronic illness

Gratitude and Gardening During Lockdown

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Do you believe that gratitude and gardening during lockdown might lead us to enjoy life? Perhaps not a few months ago. But things have changed drastically since COVID 19 took over our lives. There are two ways to approach things, and I think gratitude, with a bit of gardening, can open our eyes.

Gratitude and Gardening

The irises and honey suckle are blooming behind my house, filling the air with a sweet fragrance. Wind rustles through the leaves, sounding like the waves coming up to shore. Everyday I see people enjoying the changing of the season–taking walks, smiling, and waving. Gardens are planted and weeded. DIY projects are at an all-time high with triple the normal sales at hardware and home improvement stores.

But I know that people are panicking, I’ve struggled with it despite the beauty of the season. There are many people out of work due to COVID 19, small business owners everywhere struggling to pivot in order to make sales online instead of in-person. Exhausted family members continue the tasks of being the only one out of the house. High-risk individuals self-quarantining feel cut-off.

It’s hard to see beauty and recognize what we have to be grateful for when we focus on what’s going wrong.

Gratitude During Hardships

If we don’t count our blessings–the flowers blooming, families walking outside together, etc.–our vision will narrow to the hardships. We foresee a dark world getting darker still. Instead of accessing the thankful heart we could grow and develop in our homes, we become the worst version of ouselves. I personally struggle with this. My tone becomes defensive, bitter, and I bite off the heads of people I profess to love. Family members have jerked away from me recently and I finally realized: I’ve allowed my fears to emerge, to take over.

It’s time for many of us to make space so we can take a step back. Refocus our eyes and ears, listen to God stir the wind through the trees. Breathe in deeply the fragrance of the flowers He’s awoken.

Mommie’s Legacy: My Upbringing to the Rescue

My mommie taught me this. When I first became ill with chronic migraines in high school, my vision narrowed then as well. My pain became everything to me. It determined when and what I ate. It determined where I went and what I wore. It even determined who I saw and what I was able to accomplish. Sound familiar? I had been a gregarious and silly teenager who loved to think deep thoughts and laugh loudly with friends. But I quickly morphed into a moody, light-sensitive, sound-sensitive agoraphobic, who clung to my home as though its dark rooms could shelter me from the pain.

My mommie handed me a book that helped me begin listing everything I was grateful for, everything that lifted my eyes beyond my pain to what was good, and right, and true. (see Philippians 4:8) My fingers stumbled at first, scratching out words slowly. Then, the words came in a rush, flowing through me. I covered at least three pages and could have kept going. The girl that loved the life she’d been given was still alive inside me. Just because I was in pain didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy my life.

Gratitude and Gardening During Lockdown

This pandemic lockdown has shut so many of us in, and I’ve found myself panicking as the feeling is all too familiar. But after talking to my counselor, I’m back to counting my blessings, focusing my mind on what is right and true. I have a home, a family, even flowers. My body can take walks. Last spring, I couldn’t do that. Pain and grief had overwhelmed me. I’m going to celebrate what I can do, not be upset that I can’t go to my favorite coffee shop. Maybe you and I can both choose joy and gratitude together despite the pain and fear.

Gratitude and gardening during lockdown may sound too simplistic, I know. There is real pain, real fear. I also know the key isn’t actually working in the dirt. You may hate gardening, and that’s fine. The key here is where is your focus? Have you concentrated on what you are blessed with? Or are you stressing about what you don’t have and all the horrible things that may happen?

Yes, little is certain, but we have been given this moment. We each have something, and it can be something small, to be grateful for. And with whatever is beautiful, we can share with others. Don’t make it complicated. It can be through a phone call, a gift placed on a doorstep, a six-foot-distanced visit outdoors. Our lives are a precious gift and even in the midst of hardship, we need to refocus, give thanks. I know this is changing me. What can you be grateful for?

During a crisis, our vision can narrow to what is wrong. But through practicing gratitude and gardening during lockdown, my new focus has helped me fight depression and chronic illness. Whether you are deciding if you should check out gardening for beginners or looking for self-discovery journal prompts, practicing gratitude in your daily life will change you. #gratitude #chronicillness #gardening #mentalhealth

About JacQueline

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

Author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, and  Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, which chronicles her battle with chronic pain and depression, JacQueline uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline to keep her writing healthy at no additional cost to you. 

JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. Please don’t substitute it for a professional therapist.

photography: Alex Basov, Annie Spratt, Meg Landrito, and Jessica “Kess” Vaughn.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We’re Shut-In

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Many of us feel desperate, searching for a shut-in’s guide to staying home. Maybe it would help us find the right path through the maze of COVID 19. Ironically, I feel as though the majority of my life has prepared me for this. I’ve lived home-bound off-and-on since high school due to complications involving debilitating chronic migraines and resulting depression and anxiety. I have found ways that help me continue to live a worthwhile life even when I can’t function as I would normally like to. Who knew there would be chronic illness tips to help us when we’re shut in?

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We're Shut In - authorjroe.com - With so many of us suddenly working from home and quarantined, chronic illness has much to teach during this uncertain time. Click through for tips I've learned the hard way when you are living as a shut-in with a life you can't predict or schedule. #chronicillness #workingfromhome #shutin #quarantined

Celebrating and Grieving

I live in the USA in Alabama, one of the last states to receive the coronavirus test. We were therefore one of the last states to begin locking down. My children would not be going to school as planned while I was away with my sisters. We were at the beach, spreading the ashes of the sister we lost in a horrific accident. We were also celebrating the life of our youngest sister, who this past year survived breast cancer. Even with the signs of how quickly things were beginning to shut-down, we tried to keep our focus on healing and each other. We knew we might never get such an opportunity to be together like this again.

I’ve never in my life had such a view before. The wind and the waves played together on the shore making me smile. Though I thought I was familiar with sea-loving birds, I saw more than the pelicans and seagulls I remembered from my Galveston Island childhood. My writer’s mind is always eating up bits of information like this. I breathed in the scent of the salt air, the warmth of the sun, the thundering crash of the waves. The sight of my sisters playing in the surf will not be forgotten! I walked on the sand, letting my feet memorize the feel of the wet sand and lapping waves. Each of these details are making their way into different scenes in my fairy tale novels.

Taking things one-at-a-time

Each morning I prayed on the open balcony facing the gulf. I prayed for God to provide, even as I adjusted to the news that my husband was temporarily laid-off due to the crisis. I asked God to care for my sisters and I as we grieved. Though there are times I don’t understand what God is doing, He has always proved to be faithful. I choose to hold onto that knowledge, at peace that he has promised to never leave or forsake me. Those prayers by the beach were solace for me.

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us

Returning home I began to realize what we needed to do in my family. Ocean breezes gone, I returned to the life I’m all too familiar with. I was thankful the migraines let up for me to enjoy my time on the shore. But even there chronic illness had covered my body in hives, a lingering allergic reaction to a migraine medication. Side note: Social distancing isn’t difficult when you look like you have chickenpox. So now I’m home trying to recover and help my family navigate staying home.

Something that may seem like common sense is all too easily forgotten in the pursuit of getting through each day while living on top of each other. Grace. We need it in abundance. When you live with a body that doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to, you need help from others. But you also need to be gracious in how you ask and receive that help. Having a chronic illness can make you an impatient, bitter person, robbed of all you wanted out of life. Becoming home-bound can have a similar affect. Or, you can choose to be grateful for each moment you have. You can thank God for things you used to take for granted–like toilet paper.

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We're Shut In - authorjroe.com - With so many of us suddenly working from home and quarantined, chronic illness has much to teach during this uncertain time. Click through for tips I've learned the hard way when you are living as a shut-in with a life you can't predict or schedule. #chronicillness #workingfromhome #shutin #quarantined

Practice grace and be flexible

I need to practice this grace with my family. They are not used to staying home all the time. I’ve set up a routine that allows me to run my author business with the family at work or school. But now we are together–All. The. Time. My children are missing their friends, my husband is missing his occupation. They miss their sense of productivity and accomplishment at the end of each day. I need to help encourage them to find a new way to accomplish things. We have to use what we have available in our home.

Confessions? I need to fight my impatience to want to get back to writing my novel in silence. You know, without the sounds of chattering kids, the constant interruptions, and need for my input. Next week we’ll be adding distance learning on the computers for the kids till the end of the school year. That will take more adjusting for all of us. I don’t think I’m understating this if we are gracious and flexible, we can help love and cherish each other even now. And that’s the most important job we have.

Let go of what you can’t control

In order to establish a new normal to get through these times, I have to let go of what I can’t control and embrace what is good about now. That means setting soft writing and business goals that are easier to reach with the constant interruptions. It necessitates creating some fun family times. This won’t apply to all of you, but our family is full of avid readers. We are reading through a few series of books individually and now we will have time for lots of fun book discussions. Each family has some area where they shine and can enjoy interests together. Perhaps it’s fitting puzzles together, fitness, or baking treats.

Chronic Illness Tips to Help Us When We're Shut In - authorjroe.com - With so many of us suddenly working from home and quarantined, chronic illness has much to teach during this uncertain time. Click through for tips I've learned the hard way when you are living as a shut-in with a life you can't predict or schedule. #chronicillness #workingfromhome #shutin #quarantined

I’d like to be running around getting groceries or handing out meals for those in the high-risk group, but I am in the high-risk group, so that’s out for me. Some things we can’t control, but we can choose to find good things about spending time in our homes, call or text people we are concerned about. There is much to be grateful for if we just look for it and there are ways to get through this difficult time if we work together with those we are living with.

So, how are you doing with all of this? Are there things you can do with your routine that will help you love the people you are living with? Are there people you can check-in on that would appreciate hearing from you?

About JacQueline

Author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, and  Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, which chronicles her battle with chronic pain and depression, JacQueline uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline to keep her writing healthy at no additional cost to you.

JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. Do not substitute it for a professional therapist or health care worker.

JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author consultant, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free author assessment to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: JacQueline Vaughn Roe and Kari Shea

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Chronic Illness and the Best Book Life

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Can chronic illness actually lead to the best book life? I would venture to say that it can and, in my life, has. I won’t tell you exactly what you should be reading here. (Sign up to my newsletter and get a free novella or check out my Goodreads reviews for more of that.) But I do want to share how books have become self-care for me.

In high school and again in college, I ended up as a virtual shut-in, only venturing out for doctor’s appointments, usually driven around by my parents. I found solace in reading, but I needed more and I found that outlet in writing. Books were a blessing from God in the form of consuming and creating.

Recently I have had to abandon another preventative medication due to yet another allergic reaction. One more doctor has said told me, “That’s it. You’ve tried everything I know of to try.” To compound the situation two other medications that help regulate my depression and anxiety ended up running out due to a huge doctor office/pharmacy/insurance company issue. Those with chronic life issues will understand all too well. By now I have those medications, but the depression and panic attacks linger as my body readjusts.

Chronic Illness Means We Keep Trying New Things

I tell you all of this not to garner sympathy, but to share encouragement. This bookish spoonie has decided to forge a new path, one that I have been slowly moving towards for a while. I hope in sharing this news, we can each look at what’s not working in our lives and make adjustments to find a better way. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to get well, my body is not going to do it by conventional means.

Okay, so I’m not just staying here in this dark place anymore, I’m going to be a person doing something. I’ve spoken quite frequently here and on my Instagram account about how vital walking has become in the search for healing. There are many days that I can’t tolerate the light, but my routine is now to walk my son to his bus stop in the morning and let him jabber away. We laugh together until the bus drives away and after he leaves, I take off walking.

Allow Yourself to Be

I don’t go far or fast right now. My body just won’t let me, but I’m choosing to move, like my fitness instructor Beth Learn has encouraged me to do. She argues against the all-or-nothing mentality. In several of her spoonie-friendly workouts, she tells us that even stretching counts. “This is enough, this has to be enough.” I hear in her voice in that particular restorative yoga workout the frustration with a society that distills women down to what we can or can’t do, instead of being who we are. 

So, who am I being? I am a woman who lives a life riddled by pain and darkness, but I fight for the light. That makes me a warrior bookworm. Now I love being outside my house, going for those walks when I can, drinking in the sound of birdsong, and I stay home and stretch with Beth when I can’t. I am actually able to drive most days and spend time with my children getting them to and from places. This is more than just doing, it is fighting the battle of pain to be the woman I want to be.

Which leads me to the next life-giving practice I am experimenting with. Are you ready for this? Green light in a dark room. No really, green light in a dark room. In this article, there have been early studies linking a decrease in migraines from exposure to LED green lights. Like, from 24 migraine days a month decreasing to 7. What’s the treatment look like? 2 hours in a completely dark room except for a green LED light. My husband read the article and ordered a package of them immediately. Weird, right? And, good grief, who has time to sit in a dark room with a green light for 2 hours a day? What’s a bookish spoonie to do? READ!

Do Books Qualify as Self-Care?

So, now after my walk, I spend my time in the morning reading my Bible and journaling with a green LED light. I call it my green light therapy with God. His Word refreshes me and reminds of what is true and right. Writing to Him in my journal, I brainstorm how to apply what I’m learning, I give Him my frustrations, and I praise Him for at least three things each day.

I end my day taking a bath with a good book and green light. All those books that have been piling up in my To Be Read stack? I’m getting through them and my reading goal for the year will soon be reached. I’m discovering new authors, studying different writing techniques, and relaxing. I don’t know yet if the light is making a difference for daily migraines, but I do know I feel better during the therapy itself. It might be all the indulgent reading I feel justified in enjoying. (You can find my reviews here or sign-up for my newsletter for a more in-depth look.)

Chronic Illness and the Best Book Self-Care

I mean, I write and read for a living, right? So this should just be part of my life now. And I’m learning so much about how to relax and let go of things. I keep thinking I’ve learned the lesson of targeting my stressors and uprooting them, but it isn’t actually things that stress me. It’s toxic thinking. So I’m becoming ferocious in catching when I am stressing myself out and taking a step back.

Social media causing you stress? Start scheduling posts. Not enough time to schedule, you say? Take a little break. Breathe. Pray. Journal. Read a book. Enjoy a walk. Talk to a friend. All these things are helping me calm down and they might help you, too. And now that I have given myself permission to try different and unusual things to try to get well, I may actually get there. And even if my “well” doesn’t look normal, it will be my normal, a life I enjoy with the very best books.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: Joel Muniz, Nicole Wolf, and David Lezcano

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Can I Recover from Grief and Ambition?

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Parting

In our minds, a timer is ticking. It’s ticking off moments, letting us know how long we have to sort through things. We find ourselves rushing through tasks, meals, conversations to get to the next thing. We have planners and calendars stacked with appointments, meetings, chores. And always the clock is counting down. But what do we do with ambition when parting takes place? Can we recover from grief?

What do we do when the clock is broken? When we have lost someone we love and they are taken from us forever? All that is left seems to be an empty, breathtaking pain and we wonder, “How do we continue?”

Recover from Grief - authorjroe.com - Many of us are defined by our ambition, but what do we do with losing someone when we have chronic migraines or illness? Can we recover from grief? #grief #illness #chronicpain #chronicpaininspiration #chronicmigraines #chronic #chroniclife #spoonies #spoonie #spoonielife #ambition #grief #grieving #loss #comfort #healing #Jesus #God #JesusChrist

Recover from Grief: Waiting

I sit on the couch after breakfast most mornings with a journal, my Bible, and my favorite pens. I snuggle beneath a blanket and heating pads and ache. My head radiates pain from the daily debilitating migraines while my soul writhes from missing my sister.

It has been ten months since Joy was killed by a truck. Even before this fatal accident, she had a brain-injury and I was her caregiver. At some point in our lives, each member of my family was depended on to care for her most basic and intimate needs. It’s been ten months since I’ve brushed her hair, taken her for a walk, helped her get showered. After ten months, you would think that the timer would have reset, that grief would have resolved and I would have moved on. But only now as I receive therapy am I beginning to process her loss. And so, here I sit, staring in front of me, waiting and waiting and waiting for the emotions I buried to surface so we can at last deal with them.

Recover from Grief: Persevering

After living for years with a chronic illness, I thought I understood what it took to process difficult things. But, I bet you understand when I say that as soon as you think you have life figured out, you find out you don’t. Maybe something horrible happens and you have to scramble to learn a new way of living. Just a few years ago, I struggled with a depression so deep that even though I trust in Jesus Christ for my salvation, I despaired of life. I wanted to die and contemplated ending my life. A good Christian girl shouldn’t struggle like that, I believed. I felt like a failure, a horrible wife and mother and sister.

God met me in that deep, dark place, just like He is meeting me now. I even wrote a book about it. Here I am again, though, because as I am processing the loss of Joy, I am struggling with suicidal thoughts. But I have learned that I don’t have to, nor should I, try to fight this battle alone. As I said before, I am receiving counseling. I am also checking in with trusted friends and letting them know how I’m doing. They are lifting me up in prayer and it is amazing how this simple thing is so powerful. In those dark, bleak moments when I want to find a way out of this life to escape the pain, God reminds me He is with me through His people who love me.

Recover from Grief - authorjroe.com - Many of us are defined by our ambition, but what do we do with losing someone when we have chronic migraines or illness? Can we recover from grief? #grief #illness #chronicpain #chronicpaininspiration #chronicmigraines #chronic #chroniclife #spoonies #spoonie #spoonielife #ambition #grief #grieving #loss #comfort #healing #Jesus #God #JesusChrist

Recover from Grief: Loving and Affirming

The most amazing thing about this group of people is the way they accept where I am. The way they aren’t pushing me to produce something out of my grief. I do. I look at my 30,000-word manuscript “Life with Joy” and feel the pressure to make it into something beautiful, something that will make all the pain worthwhile. But I can’t. Every time I think I can try, it’s like I break a little more.

I won’t say no one has said that they don’t expect something beautiful to come out of all this sorrow. I’ve said it here before, I know that God uses these things for good. (see Romans 8:28) But let me be clear and painfully honest, I can’t see that right now. In this moment, the clock has stopped and I hang by a slender thread to the grace of God. No words reach the loss I feel and even though my head knows something wonderful is being worked out in the eternal realm, my temporal self cannot tolerate the stretch. I can’t get from here to there. For the first time in my life instead of pushing myself to make it happen, I’m going to accept where I am.

Ambition

So, ambition, back off, back down, back away. I can’t yet.

Maybe you are here with me in this rocky place where we cling to faith. We can’t see ahead or behind. Our lips recount blessings while crying over our loss. We use each moment of each day to continue to breathe.

And that’s enough. For now, my friend, it has to be enough.

JacQueline is the author of Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope as well as The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures. She uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy. JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. It should never be substituted for a professional therapist.

A special “thank you” to Sheryl Chan for offering the link-up for those suffering from chronic illness.

Photo Credit: Dylan Nolte, Kinga Chicewicz, Nathan Dumlao.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe, contact here to receive help with your social media images.

Recover from Grief - authorjroe.com - Many of us are defined by our ambition, but what do we do with losing someone when we have chronic migraines or illness? Can we recover from grief? #grief #illness #chronicpain #chronicpaininspiration #chronicmigraines #chronic #chroniclife #spoonies #spoonie #spoonielife #ambition #grief #grieving #loss #comfort #healing #Jesus #God #JesusChrist
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