Author J Roe

Writing quirky characters on redemptive journeys

chronic pain

Trigger Warnings, Mental Health, and Books OH MY!

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A great many of the readers and authors who connect with me tend to be highly sensitive. Probably because I am. And for those of you who are, you may feel like you’re walking on egg shells or wandering through a minefield whether you’re out of the house or clicking around your favorite online bookstore trying to find a safe place to unwind. If that’s you, I see you and in some ways we are very much kindred spirits. I have some resources that might make things a little easier and give you better tools to manage your mental health while finding your happy place.

While “triggers” sound like such a scary, unhealthy thing, we can use them to help us grow. By asking questions like “Why is this upsetting?” and “Do I need to work through something in relation to this reaction?” we can find ourselves in a healthier mindset. But if now is not the time to be working on things like that, then glance or click through what I have gathered here and you’ll be better prepared. I have also listed resources I’ve (or someone dear to me) found personally helpful at the end.

Please remember that I am NOT a licensed health professional and it is essential that you manage your own well-being. Please, please, please take care of you. You matter! Books are my safe place and I want my books to be that for you. If not, no worries! You can always come back later or find someone else to connect with. Take care!

Common Sense

I also appreciate the views of my diverse friends and readers who help me connect outside my own experiences. Many of you don’t look like me and I praise God we come from different places, different backgrounds, even different belief systems. It is a joy to learn more and reflect that in the stories I write. While I do extensive research into cultures and topics I was not born into or had first-hand contact with (because I want to tell the stories of a variety of people) I am imperfect. If I have in anyway misrepresented a culture or people group you love, please reach out anytime so the next book can be better and your voice can be heard. 

If you are also wanting to lend your views for future books, please reach out. Let me say it again, YOU MATTER! We need your perspective when you’re ready to share. Let’s see if there’s a good spot for you on the team. (because no book is written alone, it does take a team!)

Know Thyself–and Thine Own Mental Health Triggers

Every one of the following issues were not things that I set out to write about, but because I or people I love struggle with them. And so–surprise!–they come out in my stories. In said stories, things are not perfect by the ending, but there is some resolution by the end of each my books, and a happily-ever-after in any romance/romantic comedy I write.

Closed Door Heat level 2-3 as defined by The Writing Gals:

  • You can expect sweet to sizzling kisses in my books that include a romantic plot. There may be either a closed door or fade-to-black for married couples. No description beyond kissing.

Loss of parent and/or unresolved grief:

Childhood abuse (kidnapping, neglect, bullying, beatings, imprisonment)

  • Rapunzel’s Journey (each book has at least one character dealing with one of these, as do most well-known fairy tales. Nothing above “PG-13” violence described on page. See A Cheat Sheet for Fairy Tale Lovers for more insight into what fairy tales are covered.)
  • The Trials and Triumphs of Love — character has neglectful and narcissistic parents, she also as a family lawyer represents clients with difficult histories. Nothing on page.

Mental Health (depression, anxiety, PTSD, unresolved grief, substance abuse, suicidal ideation)

Chronic Illness

(Of course Chronic illness comes to the forefront since I have had my own since 1993.)

Faith elements

  • All of my books no matter what pen name I use 😉 Can’t seem to not write out my core faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and the inerrancy of scripture. Always happy to talk to you about the hope I have found in Him for my numerous issues in this broken world. You will also find Bible studies in the first three books in Rapunzel’s Journey.

Gaslighting (Deceitful Manipulation)

  • This is dangerous mental health concern that I have seen pushed to the side or over-dramatized. It is rampant in fairy tales, so you will find it in several place throughout Rapunzel’s Journey.
  • The Facts and Fictions of Love — A character is belittled for her effervescent personality by several older characters and believes the lie she is “too much.” This may seem extreme to call it “gaslighting,” but whether it was intentional or not, it impacted negatively what the character believed to be true about herself. I am sensitive to it and have found hope in the truth that Abuelita speaks over her: Psalm 139:14 and the beautiful quote by Frida Kahlo, “Escoge una persona que te mire como si quizás fueras magia or in English, “Choose a person who looks at you as if you were magic.”

Adultery/Cheating

  • High King has an (ongoing) affair that impacts the entire kingdom for most of Rapunzel’s Journey, but the affair is off the page. There are offspring that are at odds because of this in Upon the Throne.
  • The Design and Destiny of Love — There is a past affair that was not technically adultery or cheating, but it forever impacted the relationship. The affair, as indicated, is off the page.

Progress, Not Perfection

This is your permission, should you need it, to not be perfect as you figure out what you do or don’t need (even in books) at this time. Be you, because we need you. Not perfect you, just YOU you. If any of my books prompt any self-condemnation, just walk away. Guilt can help move us forward and inspire a little course correction as we take responsibility. It should never promote self-hatred or deep shame. One of my therapists helped me understand: guilt says I did something bad (and I can work on getting healthier as I make different choices from here on), but shame says I AM bad and have no hope.

Do something weird, be unconventional, find your own way. If it’s not morally wrong (and therefore not hurting anyone) discover what helps you function and thrive in each moment. And, hey, today’s thriving may look like surviving. And if so, that’s still absolutely worth celebrating!

Accepting where you are in this moment doesn’t mean you aren’t going to find an even better way tomorrow. I believe in you and am cheering you on!

Seek Help

If I have missed something, let me know. I will be adding to this over time during my publishing career. In case you are struggling with any suicidal ideation, please call 988 (in the US) or find another suicide helpline. As one who nearly lost her life to it, there is hope on the other side of getting help.

Other resources I’ve found amazing for me and my loved ones:

About the Quirky Author

A lover of faith and fantasy inspired fairy tale retellings and utterly obsessed with sweet romantic comedy books, JacQueline (aka Jackie Q.) enjoys telling stories, asking God hard questions, and laughing with her family and friends. She lives in North Alabama with her amazing karate husband and three book-crazy children. She takes every opportunity to drink coffee while wearing dangly earrings and the color purple.

*qualifying purchases will profit the author and her family with affiliate income to continue writing stories to delight more readers at no additional cost to you. 😉

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What Is Even Happening? (and all the silly updates)

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Umm . . . What Is Even Happening?

My three musketeers and I trade videos back and forth to keep updated on each other’s lives since we live so far apart. In doing so, these impromptu videos are full of all sorts of unscripted ridiculous moments. One bestie is constantly saying “What is even happening?” and she tries to describe in words what defies description. She often gives up and turns the camera around so that we can witness the insanity of the moment. We’re talking crazy cats, rogue turkeys, and snarky teens.

Well, I’m turning around the camera so that you, my loyal readers and true friends, can witness the insanity. For the truth is, I really don’t know what all is happening, but it is proving to be quite the ride. Buckle up!

Health, Wellness, and Moving Forward

In March of 2022 my mental and physical health was at an all time low. Migraines were debilitating to the point that again I could no longer leave my home. My weight had skyrocketed as I sought comfort in food, but food without real nutrition. Depression and anxiety were rampant and while trying a new medication, I almost committed suicide.

Had I lost my faith? No, but I was certainly struggling. Besties, family, and church members were praying. One tenacious friend reached out and made it possible for me to try a nutrition program that drastically changed my life for the better. I returned to life and became able to write again. Rapunzel’s Journey was even finished on time thanks to my amazing other bestie and editor-extraordinaire. Surprisingly, I even started helping and inspiring friends to reclaim their health, and this became an important avenue for my overall health.

While I’d love to report that I am no longer battling migraines or mental health issues, I am struggling again. Fortunately, I am surrounded by great support. I am doing what I can to weather this particular storm. I’ve had these kinds of battles in the past and eventually they do pass.

Despite the mental and financial struggle* for myself and my family, I have found inspiration. A whole new set of characters have shown up, but not the ones I thought I’d be writing. Let me tell you about the surprise that is breathing new life, and lots of chuckles, into my writing.

*for those interested in offering support, click here.

Wacky Jackie Q.

Once upon a time (yes, it has to start this way), a little girl named Jackie loved to laugh and play. She had a melancholy side, but was mostly a sanguine, talkative (some might say “yacky”) child. When she grew up, she left behind her nickname of Jackie and adopted the more mature sounding “JacQueline”, but the Q kept her fun and quirky.

So, you guessed it. My name is JacQueline and as JacQueline, I’ve loved writing the more melancholy Rapunzel with several quirky characters to keep things jolly. Even during more dramatic, and often romantic, moments. And perhaps that is the common thread here. There may or may not be magic in everything I write (whether as JacQueline or Jackie Q. or whatever pen name I may go to next) but there will always be some romance. Because who can live without love? (and isn’t love true magic?)

Crazy Fun in Texas

But, let’s be real, right alongside that romance is that quirky, ridiculous tendency I have. Like maybe I’ve tried to kiss my husband in an ultra-suave move, but accidentally (HOW???) tripped and practically fallen on my face. Trust me, things like this happen when I’m around. (Prayers for my husband’s safety appreciated.)

So, when I realized I couldn’t write the next fairytale retelling series, I was pretty bummed. Then, some super silly friends (all my characters are friends) came along to cheer me up. Because what could be better than being (by the magic of imagination) transported to a German-Mexican town in Texas? Yes, all kinds of silly started happening to create The Love and Laughter series. You should see the menu for Bachmann-Hernandez Restaurant. (Was I inspired by New Braunsfels, TX? Just maybe *wink*wink*). This all and not to mention the goofy little businesses around the town square–like the florist/funeral home. My brain is a silly space.

* Get your free teeny-tiny prequel/sneak peek into the goofy town of Levercusin (mispronounced Leave Ya’ Cousin) here.

Who is Running the Asylum?

Do I really know what is going on? Well, as of writing this, I’m over half-way through drafting The Design and Destiny of Love (UPDATE: it’s now finished and available!). I’ve also gotten a good start on what I hope will be a FREE prequel and some on book 2. With my health and finances as they are currently, I can’t make any guarantees about when these books will be coming your way. But I’m hopeful (take that, depression!) that The Design and Destiny will be published fall of 2024 with the sequel (UPDATE: available for pre-order now) soon to follow. But, who knows?

What I DO know:

  • God is good and my books will have a redemptive, if silly, arc
  • Quirky will win the day
  • Pain loses in the end

Finally, are you one of those amazing generous individuals who likes to support the arts and/or those struggling with their health? Please check out my Patreon and consider becoming a patron, if that aligns with your values. Thank you as always for your prayers, friendship, and support!

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Chronic Illness and the Best Book Life

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Can chronic illness actually lead to the best book life? I would venture to say that it can and, in my life, has. I won’t tell you exactly what you should be reading here. (Sign up to my newsletter and get a free novella or check out my Goodreads reviews for more of that.) But I do want to share how books have become self-care for me.

In high school and again in college, I ended up as a virtual shut-in, only venturing out for doctor’s appointments, usually driven around by my parents. I found solace in reading, but I needed more and I found that outlet in writing. Books were a blessing from God in the form of consuming and creating.

Recently I have had to abandon another preventative medication due to yet another allergic reaction. One more doctor has said told me, “That’s it. You’ve tried everything I know of to try.” To compound the situation two other medications that help regulate my depression and anxiety ended up running out due to a huge doctor office/pharmacy/insurance company issue. Those with chronic life issues will understand all too well. By now I have those medications, but the depression and panic attacks linger as my body readjusts.

Chronic Illness Means We Keep Trying New Things

I tell you all of this not to garner sympathy, but to share encouragement. This bookish spoonie has decided to forge a new path, one that I have been slowly moving towards for a while. I hope in sharing this news, we can each look at what’s not working in our lives and make adjustments to find a better way. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to get well, my body is not going to do it by conventional means.

Okay, so I’m not just staying here in this dark place anymore, I’m going to be a person doing something. I’ve spoken quite frequently here and on my Instagram account about how vital walking has become in the search for healing. There are many days that I can’t tolerate the light, but my routine is now to walk my son to his bus stop in the morning and let him jabber away. We laugh together until the bus drives away and after he leaves, I take off walking.

Allow Yourself to Be

I don’t go far or fast right now. My body just won’t let me, but I’m choosing to move, like my fitness instructor Beth Learn has encouraged me to do. She argues against the all-or-nothing mentality. In several of her spoonie-friendly workouts, she tells us that even stretching counts. “This is enough, this has to be enough.” I hear in her voice in that particular restorative yoga workout the frustration with a society that distills women down to what we can or can’t do, instead of being who we are. 

So, who am I being? I am a woman who lives a life riddled by pain and darkness, but I fight for the light. That makes me a warrior bookworm. Now I love being outside my house, going for those walks when I can, drinking in the sound of birdsong, and I stay home and stretch with Beth when I can’t. I am actually able to drive most days and spend time with my children getting them to and from places. This is more than just doing, it is fighting the battle of pain to be the woman I want to be.

Which leads me to the next life-giving practice I am experimenting with. Are you ready for this? Green light in a dark room. No really, green light in a dark room. In this article, there have been early studies linking a decrease in migraines from exposure to LED green lights. Like, from 24 migraine days a month decreasing to 7. What’s the treatment look like? 2 hours in a completely dark room except for a green LED light. My husband read the article and ordered a package of them immediately. Weird, right? And, good grief, who has time to sit in a dark room with a green light for 2 hours a day? What’s a bookish spoonie to do? READ!

Do Books Qualify as Self-Care?

So, now after my walk, I spend my time in the morning reading my Bible and journaling with a green LED light. I call it my green light therapy with God. His Word refreshes me and reminds of what is true and right. Writing to Him in my journal, I brainstorm how to apply what I’m learning, I give Him my frustrations, and I praise Him for at least three things each day.

I end my day taking a bath with a good book and green light. All those books that have been piling up in my To Be Read stack? I’m getting through them and my reading goal for the year will soon be reached. I’m discovering new authors, studying different writing techniques, and relaxing. I don’t know yet if the light is making a difference for daily migraines, but I do know I feel better during the therapy itself. It might be all the indulgent reading I feel justified in enjoying. (You can find my reviews here or sign-up for my newsletter for a more in-depth look.)

Chronic Illness and the Best Book Self-Care

I mean, I write and read for a living, right? So this should just be part of my life now. And I’m learning so much about how to relax and let go of things. I keep thinking I’ve learned the lesson of targeting my stressors and uprooting them, but it isn’t actually things that stress me. It’s toxic thinking. So I’m becoming ferocious in catching when I am stressing myself out and taking a step back.

Social media causing you stress? Start scheduling posts. Not enough time to schedule, you say? Take a little break. Breathe. Pray. Journal. Read a book. Enjoy a walk. Talk to a friend. All these things are helping me calm down and they might help you, too. And now that I have given myself permission to try different and unusual things to try to get well, I may actually get there. And even if my “well” doesn’t look normal, it will be my normal, a life I enjoy with the very best books.

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Photo credit: Joel Muniz, Nicole Wolf, and David Lezcano

Social Media Graphic Design: JacQueline Vaughn Roe

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Celebrating the End of a Hard Year

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This is not the end

How can we say we are celebrating the year if it was hard? If you’ve been struggling with illness, grief, job loss, or relationship issues, maybe you don’t know how. One look at my KanBan board reveals rows and rows of sticky note goals that haven’t been achieved and moved into the “CELEBRATE!” column.

When we are dealing with obstacles thrown into our path during life’s journey, discouragement tells us we are failures. But, what if we look beyond the planned success on our vision boards? I think there are things each of us have learned, perhaps the hard way, that are worth recognizing. Why not end the year celebrating those victories so that we can begin looking for such treasures in the New Year?

As you can see, I haven’t been able to “clear” my “to-do’s” on my KanBan Board.

Celebrating the Year: Recognize when coping becomes healing

I remember when I was younger a well-meaning teacher told me that coping was unhealthy. It was the path of developing strategies to avoid what needed to be dealt with. Being young and impressionable, I took her word for it and began to despise the word. I scrutinized and judged everyone around me who used coping mechanisms to survive.

But I’ve been trying to recover and heal from several things this year. For months, I was avoiding pain, both physical and emotional. Most of us have done this at one point in our lives, and there’s a cost. For me, migraines became debilitating and led to a dark depression riddled with suicidal thoughts.

My counselor has reminded me that we have to live our lives, not escape them. We must journey through the low points to reach the other side of healing. I’ve had to learn to process pain differently and try several different ways of relieving it because my body doesn’t respond well to many medicinal or natural remedies. Developing coping mechanisms to process has helped me work through my issues.

Prayer walking and #walkthankful

Below I use links to a fitness resource I have found essential for my chronic illness issues. Here is the link to their free open house during which you can try out all their courses and workouts free for the month of December. If you use any of these links, please know I will receive a small affiliate payment that will cost you nothing extra ONLY if you decide to invest at the end of the open house.

Recognizing I have to deal with the pain in my life, including the aching loss of my sister, I have begun moving my body again. Last November, right before my sister’s death, I joined the #walkthankful challenge by Fit2B. In it, you take a walk every day for the month and contemplate what you are thankful for. My life had become about migraines and my sister’s brain-injury, so I wanted to participate even if we couldn’t do it every day. I loved those short walks with her and I miss them.

Taking walks after her death felt impossible, but I knew I needed the warmth of movement to heal. So I began prayer-walking, pouring out my anger and anxiety to the God I was having a hard time trusting. As I walked through the pouring rain last spring, I cried. During the blazing hot months of summer, I shielded my eyes with sunglasses and decided to keep walking, keep praying, keep sweating. My mind would drift and it became less and less about my pain and more about the beauty the Creator had surrounded me with. By the time November came, I was ready and needing to walk in gratitude, even though it hurt to live through the horrible anniversary of her death.

Bonding with children and friends

What shouldn’t have surprised any of us is how God layers our days with support if we open our eyes. I had started counseling again, uprooting some bad habits and developing some healthier ones. My children often go on walks with me. My youngest loves chattering away happily as we discover secret pathways through our suburban neighborhood. Friends through FaceBook pray for me and my family, reaching out as we continue along. Fellow readers and writers on Instagram and Twitter have sent messages of support. I’ve even had readers of my books check in on me, people who feel like they know me simply because I have shared stories with them.

This linked-up community of chronic illness warriors has been a lifeline to so many, but I think it can go far beyond that. I believe people long for connection, but sometimes we have to take steps to make it happen. A year ago, when my sister Joy died, neighbors reached out to me. On her birthday, I made cookies in her memory, and went door to door delivering them. I did it because I wanted to do something good. Why not take the little bit of energy we have and do nice things for others? It took the focus off of me and my pain and placed it on others. I know we can’t do it all the time, but this was worth it. Though surprised, my neighbors and I had nice chats. My plan is to do this every year on Joy’s birthday.

Celebrating the Year: what to do with unmet goals

Over the past year, I thought I would have written two more books than I have. Instead, I’ve been processing, journaling, learning what I need to in order to survive this season. When I write my next memoir/Biblestudy, I pray it will have the depth and resolution it needs to help others. I can celebrate publishing Before the Tower and Amidst the Castles, but . . . It’s hard to let go those that didn’t happen. Each of my writing projects took longer and more out of me than I anticipated. I bet you understand. Those obstacles really take it out of us, don’t they?

I don’t yet have a great grasp on how long it takes me to accomplish things, but I do know I won’t quit until I have completed each project. The last novel for this year, Within the Spell, is finally through edits. It came out today, just in time for Christmas. *Deep Breath* It’s been a hard journey, but I’ve made progress and it’s worth celebrating this year. We learn, right? Let’s look at the next year and keep striving, but not pushing too hard or too fast.

Please share with us, what unexpected lesson learned can we celebrate with you? What path did you travel that you might not have wanted to, but you’re stronger for having traversed?

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Is the Cost of Living Worth the Pain?

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Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

What is the Cost of Living?

I need to ask, Is the cost of living worth the pain? I know this question is a little frightening. We don’t want to talk about it, do we? Those who are risk-averse may understand what I’m about to share here. Many of us have past experience that tells us that life is costly, and those of us dealing with grief or any sort of health issues know that we are going to pay physically for every choice we make. And if we end up paying physically, there may be a financial cost as well.

It may seem better, easier to hide from the pain by not committing to things. I have done this and I have missed out on so much.

If you are bold, confident, and never struggle with indecision, you may be wondering what is wrong with everyone else. I know not everyone has the same issues, but you may be friends with or even be married to someone who does. Are you wondering, why are they so anxious? What is their deal? Just make a decision and move forward!

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Honestly? Impulsively plunging into something that is necessary or even sounds fun can become terrifying. Many of us are convinced we have to weigh the options. We may do this for days, going back and forth. And then, when we’ve finally made the choice, we end up second-guessing. We fear we were selfish using our energy the way we chose. Did we do enough for others with what we had? Why can’t we just do all the things?

A Painful Lesson in Organization

I’ve shared before that this past year has been difficult for our family. Right now, we are approaching the one-year anniversary of losing my sister, for whom I was a caregiver, in freak accident. My health, which was hampered by debilitating migraines before her death, has deteriorated as I tried to avoid the pain of grief. But in the past few months I’ve been meeting with a grief counselor, journaling, and confronting the depression and anxiety that gives me worse migraines and leads me to want to quit living.

As I have started to finally mourn, what I have discovered I hope will help others. One of the most incredible things in our lives is something I openly confess to you I am HORRIBLE AT. Organizing. I am a scattered, creative-type who finds people who know where to put things fascinating. Who are these demi-gods? But even in the midst of grieving, I have had big goals and great dreams, and I knew I needed to make room to try to reach them. That meant goal-setting, scheduling, etc. But anyone working through illness or grief or even just struggling with limited resources knows that the best-laid plans often get side-lined.

But what if we also make room for recovery, what if we make room for the movement of life–both inhaling and exhaling? What if we organize a silly week of fun, counting in the cost of living with limited abilities?

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Taking what I know

Even though I knew it was going to cost me, I did two things recently. They were both career-oriented and still fun. They also left me drained and in serious pain for at least a week afterward.

Knowing my children would be home for fall break an entire week and that I would likely struggle to accomplish normal work, I decided to combine the idea of stay-cation with celebrating our favorite book series. As part of my job as an author, I am continually posting on social media about great books and sharing in newsletters with my readers about fun things to do with those books.

The Cost of Book Week

Each day of our Book Week I got up and fought my normal migraines. We did silly things like raking the yard as our own silly (and oddly competitive) version of quidditch to celebrate Harry Potter. We ate blue food all day to celebrate our love of Percy Jackson. One day we chased each other in an odd game of hide-and-seek cyborgs versus Lunars to celebrate The Lunar Chronicles. On my favorite day, we went for hike in a nature preserve to celebrate Rapunzel’s Journey series and had freshly baked bread for supper.

But there was one day I couldn’t even get dressed I was in so much pain. I wore my sunglasses most of the day and felt bummed I couldn’t go on the front lawn to play pirate-sword-fighting to celebrate The Ascendance Trilogy. My kids understood and were even prepared for this possibility. We ended up sword fighting inside during one small surge of energy.

And the week after? I was toast. In “American” that means I had nothing left. To recover, I had to take giant breaks from social media, writing, and business goals. Thinking back on the week, though, I’m glad that I paid the cost for living and making memories with the kids. It’s a bright spot in comparison to a difficult year.

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

Showing up

Similarly, I attended an online conference to help me grow as an author-entrepreneur. I completed 15 classes in three days and had a few meetings afterward to figure out how to best implement what I had learned. And, you guessed it, I was in horrific pain afterwards. It confirmed again that working from home is the only job I can manage right now, and if I don’t take breaks like I should, or if I push myself daily without having a rest day somewhere in between, the migraines get much worse.

So, why take the risk? Why push myself at all knowing the cost? Because I want to live my life and I feel that as long as I don’t do it always, I’m telling my illness “You’re not the boss of me!”

The Cost of Living is Worth the Pain

I’ve made choices like this since and I will keep doing so, but I am learning to cushion those choices with some grace. My hope is found in the gospels as it speaks over and over again of how Christ looked on the crowd with “compassion.” He saw them for who they were, sheep without a shepherd, and He knew what they were struggling with. In those passages, He makes room for them, feeding them, teaching them, sometimes even healing them. (see Mark 6:30-56).

I think that even now He sees me and He sees you with what we struggle against and what we struggle for. I love this quote:

Do you think the cost of living isn't worth the pain of chronic illness? Spoonies like us can struggle with exhaustion and wonder how to live a life with limited abilities and energy. There's a way to schedule in fun and make room for living. Click through and let’s figure it out together! #chronic #illness #chronicillness #grief #loss #chronicmigraines #spoonie #spoonies #grieving #chronicpain #chronic #organizing #depression #mentalhealth #mentalillness #spoonielife #scheduling #plannerbabe

What’s next for you?

So there are things ahead of us that we are called to. I know it will cost me, and it may cost you. We can also know if we choose the right things, the things that are worthwhile and matter we can pay for them with confidence. And maybe a little second-guessing. But mostly confidence.

JacQueline Vaughn Roe

About JacQueline

As the author of  The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.

If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.

Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.

photography: Chris Lawton, Timothy Eberly, and Eric Tompkins.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact her for help with graphic design or other author services.

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Can I Recover from Grief and Ambition?

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Parting

In our minds, a timer is ticking. It’s ticking off moments, letting us know how long we have to sort through things. We find ourselves rushing through tasks, meals, conversations to get to the next thing. We have planners and calendars stacked with appointments, meetings, chores. And always the clock is counting down. But what do we do with ambition when parting takes place? Can we recover from grief?

What do we do when the clock is broken? When we have lost someone we love and they are taken from us forever? All that is left seems to be an empty, breathtaking pain and we wonder, “How do we continue?”

Recover from Grief - authorjroe.com - Many of us are defined by our ambition, but what do we do with losing someone when we have chronic migraines or illness? Can we recover from grief? #grief #illness #chronicpain #chronicpaininspiration #chronicmigraines #chronic #chroniclife #spoonies #spoonie #spoonielife #ambition #grief #grieving #loss #comfort #healing #Jesus #God #JesusChrist

Recover from Grief: Waiting

I sit on the couch after breakfast most mornings with a journal, my Bible, and my favorite pens. I snuggle beneath a blanket and heating pads and ache. My head radiates pain from the daily debilitating migraines while my soul writhes from missing my sister.

It has been ten months since Joy was killed by a truck. Even before this fatal accident, she had a brain-injury and I was her caregiver. At some point in our lives, each member of my family was depended on to care for her most basic and intimate needs. It’s been ten months since I’ve brushed her hair, taken her for a walk, helped her get showered. After ten months, you would think that the timer would have reset, that grief would have resolved and I would have moved on. But only now as I receive therapy am I beginning to process her loss. And so, here I sit, staring in front of me, waiting and waiting and waiting for the emotions I buried to surface so we can at last deal with them.

Recover from Grief: Persevering

After living for years with a chronic illness, I thought I understood what it took to process difficult things. But, I bet you understand when I say that as soon as you think you have life figured out, you find out you don’t. Maybe something horrible happens and you have to scramble to learn a new way of living. Just a few years ago, I struggled with a depression so deep that even though I trust in Jesus Christ for my salvation, I despaired of life. I wanted to die and contemplated ending my life. A good Christian girl shouldn’t struggle like that, I believed. I felt like a failure, a horrible wife and mother and sister.

God met me in that deep, dark place, just like He is meeting me now. I even wrote a book about it. Here I am again, though, because as I am processing the loss of Joy, I am struggling with suicidal thoughts. But I have learned that I don’t have to, nor should I, try to fight this battle alone. As I said before, I am receiving counseling. I am also checking in with trusted friends and letting them know how I’m doing. They are lifting me up in prayer and it is amazing how this simple thing is so powerful. In those dark, bleak moments when I want to find a way out of this life to escape the pain, God reminds me He is with me through His people who love me.

Recover from Grief - authorjroe.com - Many of us are defined by our ambition, but what do we do with losing someone when we have chronic migraines or illness? Can we recover from grief? #grief #illness #chronicpain #chronicpaininspiration #chronicmigraines #chronic #chroniclife #spoonies #spoonie #spoonielife #ambition #grief #grieving #loss #comfort #healing #Jesus #God #JesusChrist

Recover from Grief: Loving and Affirming

The most amazing thing about this group of people is the way they accept where I am. The way they aren’t pushing me to produce something out of my grief. I do. I look at my 30,000-word manuscript “Life with Joy” and feel the pressure to make it into something beautiful, something that will make all the pain worthwhile. But I can’t. Every time I think I can try, it’s like I break a little more.

I won’t say no one has said that they don’t expect something beautiful to come out of all this sorrow. I’ve said it here before, I know that God uses these things for good. (see Romans 8:28) But let me be clear and painfully honest, I can’t see that right now. In this moment, the clock has stopped and I hang by a slender thread to the grace of God. No words reach the loss I feel and even though my head knows something wonderful is being worked out in the eternal realm, my temporal self cannot tolerate the stretch. I can’t get from here to there. For the first time in my life instead of pushing myself to make it happen, I’m going to accept where I am.

Ambition

So, ambition, back off, back down, back away. I can’t yet.

Maybe you are here with me in this rocky place where we cling to faith. We can’t see ahead or behind. Our lips recount blessings while crying over our loss. We use each moment of each day to continue to breathe.

And that’s enough. For now, my friend, it has to be enough.

JacQueline is the author of Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope as well as The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures. She uses her writing to share stories of hope and joy. JacQueline currently lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All of her writing is from her own experience and based on her opinion. It should never be substituted for a professional therapist.

A special “thank you” to Sheryl Chan for offering the link-up for those suffering from chronic illness.

Photo Credit: Dylan Nolte, Kinga Chicewicz, Nathan Dumlao.

Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe, contact here to receive help with your social media images.

Recover from Grief - authorjroe.com - Many of us are defined by our ambition, but what do we do with losing someone when we have chronic migraines or illness? Can we recover from grief? #grief #illness #chronicpain #chronicpaininspiration #chronicmigraines #chronic #chroniclife #spoonies #spoonie #spoonielife #ambition #grief #grieving #loss #comfort #healing #Jesus #God #JesusChrist
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