If you don’t love books or have a voracious reader in your home, this is not the blog for you. However, if you need tips to make friends because you keep getting lost somewhere inside your favorite story, this will all make sense. Instead of escaping reality for a short time in a book, you might be dragging the fantasy into real-life just a little too much. And maybe you’re relying on it to fill up your friendship tank. No judgment here. I’m an author and I have book-crazy children. Here are some of our struggles sprinkled with a few suggestions that we should all be able to laugh about together. Let’s chat about 3 reasons a bookworm should be a friend.
Catch up on Bookworm Problems 1-3 here and 4-6 here.
Bookworm Problem: Small Talk
This is probably hardest to understand if you are an extreme extrovert–someone who gets their energy from being with and around people. If that’s you, you likely have no problem with coming up with small talk and chatting about things of a very simple nature that are on eye-level. How’s the weather? How are you? If you are outgoing, it may not faze you to shake a hand and use easy questions to get to know someone.
But, my friend, if you are deeply invested in books, chances are you might a bit more introverted. You may get your energy from time spent alone or just one-on-one with a person who completely gets you. You probably enjoy discussing things that are more complicated. I have plenty of extroverted friends who enjoy discussing things of a deep nature as well, but they typically don’t mind the round-about casual way of getting there.
#1 Reason for a Bookworm Friend: You care about deeper issues
Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just discuss books we liked instead of anything else? *sigh* Wouldn’t that be grand? Ummm, maybe, but we don’t live in that world. And it can get lonely just tucked inside a book all the time. People get to know us by how we greet them. Online conversations with #bookstagrammers about their Insta-stories can be fun, but we all need real-life friends. So how about this?
What if you look at the books you enjoy as fodder for the conversations you want to have. Think of the kinds of people you find interesting in your books. Imagine the things in those books you find intriguing. Maybe at the next gathering, you feel forced to attend, you introduce yourself with your name and mention that you love to read stories about ________. Ask your new friend {think of them that way, it helps} if they like stories of a similar nature. They may prefer their stories in Netflix form or in a podcast, but you may stumble onto some intriguing commonality. What’s more, you’ve shown interest in someone else and that makes the other person feel good {and takes that scary spotlight off you}.
Bookworm Problem: Finding and Making Friends
I remember when I was very young, I could make friends anywhere and everywhere. It cost me nothing to walk up to random strangers no matter their age, ethnicity, gender–whatever–and talk to them. Some of my favorite people were quiet and shy, but I had no idea what that was like at that age.
And then I entered adolescence and I became self-conscious about EVERYTHING. What was worse, my family moved from Houston, Texas up to Chicago, Illinois. For all my friends who don’t live in the United States, those two places only share the same language, and it might as well be two different dialects. I was incredibly lonely and literally wrote 28 poems about my loneliness while listening to sad soft jazz (don’t judge me too harshly) for the rest of my seventh-grade year.
My parents took us church hunting and one Sunday I was discovered by some girls. They were fun and funny and we connected. It wasn’t long before we found we not only shared the same faith with a love of the Bible (we are Christians), but also the same favorite novel. It was like a secret riddle they had the answer to and I knew we were kindred. There are times I have pictured what my life would have been like if I hadn’t connected with anyone during that vulnerable year. Because of my faith, I believe God used books to bridge the gap.
#2 Reason for a Bookworm Friend: Working harder makes your friendship stronger
Finding and making friends can be incredibly difficult. It may seem as though the effort just isn’t worth it–but what if you don’t just think of it being about you? What if you could be someone’s best friend, someone they need to be silly with, share dreams with, to tell secrets to. It takes time to get from here to there, but I know from experience that the harder you work at friendship, the more durable it becomes. None of my best friends live in the same state as I do anymore, but when my sister died last year, each of them was there for me in special ways. We need friends in good times and in rough times. It’s worth the effort and you will be better for it.
So, here’s a fun idea. Check your local library or bookstore and see if they have a book club. If so, you know that when you go, they will be discussing the book they have advertised and probably more like it. Also, go to your library or bookstore when there isn’t a club going on. You will meet readers and writers there, people who understand the worlds you enjoy stepping inside of. They, like you, may be a bit shy but feel strongly about the books they love. That can be your in to making a new friend. Introduce yourself as we talked about above, inquiring what they love about your location. Is it the atmosphere, the selection, perhaps the coffee? (I highly recommend becoming addicted to coffee and coffee shops, this puts you in good with a whole bunch of fun people who may like to read and write, also).
Bookworm Problem: Socializing steals from reading time
There is only so much time in each day. We each get approximately twenty-four hours each day, seven days a week. In it we have to cram the essentials of living: eating, working, exercising, and (of course) reading. “But if I have to go spend time with people, then I have less time to read.”
Okay, so I have to admit, I’m not great at math. I write books for a living and they are not the least sciencey or mathematical in nature. I wrote one sci-fi-dystopian novel, but I am rewriting it as dark fantasy because my math didn’t work. But there is some math even I get: 1+1=2 while 2-1=1
Here’s the real problem, if you are looking at your life as a math equation and friends as a negative in that equation, you’re missing the point.
#3 Reason for a Bookworm Friend: You add infinitely more than you can imagine!
This is going to sound strange. You need friends because they need you. That’s right, you amazing bookworm, people need you! They need your love of story, your love of characters, your love of adventure. They need your intense analyzing, your sense of wonder, your ability to be quiet and listen. You are necessary. And honestly, some of my favorite times with my favorite people, guess what we were doing? Sitting around reading. I’m serious. What if you become friends with people and discover that sharing your precious time actually frees you to enjoy time reading? Friends don’t subtract, they add and you can be a friend who adds!
I honestly believe that if you reach out and sincerely want to share the best of yourself to build others up, you’ll find your people and those people will build you up, too. Perhaps there won’t be a pajama book party tomorrow night, but before you know it, there will be friends.
About JacQueline
As the author of The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.
If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.
Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.
Bookish photography: Ed Robertson, Ben White, Hannah Rodrigo, Kinga Cichewecz, and Thought Catalog.
Graphic Design for Social Media: JacQueline Vaughn Roe. Contact me here for help with graphic design or other author services.
