What is the Cost of Living?
I need to ask, Is the cost of living worth the pain? I know this question is a little frightening. We don’t want to talk about it, do we? Those who are risk-averse may understand what I’m about to share here. Many of us have past experience that tells us that life is costly, and those of us dealing with grief or any sort of health issues know that we are going to pay physically for every choice we make. And if we end up paying physically, there may be a financial cost as well.
It may seem better, easier to hide from the pain by not committing to things. I have done this and I have missed out on so much.
If you are bold, confident, and never struggle with indecision, you may be wondering what is wrong with everyone else. I know not everyone has the same issues, but you may be friends with or even be married to someone who does. Are you wondering, why are they so anxious? What is their deal? Just make a decision and move forward!
Honestly? Impulsively plunging into something that is necessary or even sounds fun can become terrifying. Many of us are convinced we have to weigh the options. We may do this for days, going back and forth. And then, when we’ve finally made the choice, we end up second-guessing. We fear we were selfish using our energy the way we chose. Did we do enough for others with what we had? Why can’t we just do all the things?
A Painful Lesson in Organization
I’ve shared before that this past year has been difficult for our family. Right now, we are approaching the one-year anniversary of losing my sister, for whom I was a caregiver, in freak accident. My health, which was hampered by debilitating migraines before her death, has deteriorated as I tried to avoid the pain of grief. But in the past few months I’ve been meeting with a grief counselor, journaling, and confronting the depression and anxiety that gives me worse migraines and leads me to want to quit living.
As I have started to finally mourn, what I have discovered I hope will help others. One of the most incredible things in our lives is something I openly confess to you I am HORRIBLE AT. Organizing. I am a scattered, creative-type who finds people who know where to put things fascinating. Who are these demi-gods? But even in the midst of grieving, I have had big goals and great dreams, and I knew I needed to make room to try to reach them. That meant goal-setting, scheduling, etc. But anyone working through illness or grief or even just struggling with limited resources knows that the best-laid plans often get side-lined.
But what if we also make room for recovery, what if we make room for the movement of life–both inhaling and exhaling? What if we organize a silly week of fun, counting in the cost of living with limited abilities?
Taking what I know
Even though I knew it was going to cost me, I did two things recently. They were both career-oriented and still fun. They also left me drained and in serious pain for at least a week afterward.
Knowing my children would be home for fall break an entire week and that I would likely struggle to accomplish normal work, I decided to combine the idea of stay-cation with celebrating our favorite book series. As part of my job as an author, I am continually posting on social media about great books and sharing in newsletters with my readers about fun things to do with those books.
The Cost of Book Week
Each day of our Book Week I got up and fought my normal migraines. We did silly things like raking the yard as our own silly (and oddly competitive) version of quidditch to celebrate Harry Potter. We ate blue food all day to celebrate our love of Percy Jackson. One day we chased each other in an odd game of hide-and-seek cyborgs versus Lunars to celebrate The Lunar Chronicles. On my favorite day, we went for hike in a nature preserve to celebrate Rapunzel’s Journey series and had freshly baked bread for supper.
But there was one day I couldn’t even get dressed I was in so much pain. I wore my sunglasses most of the day and felt bummed I couldn’t go on the front lawn to play pirate-sword-fighting to celebrate The Ascendance Trilogy. My kids understood and were even prepared for this possibility. We ended up sword fighting inside during one small surge of energy.
And the week after? I was toast. In “American” that means I had nothing left. To recover, I had to take giant breaks from social media, writing, and business goals. Thinking back on the week, though, I’m glad that I paid the cost for living and making memories with the kids. It’s a bright spot in comparison to a difficult year.
Showing up
Similarly, I attended an online conference to help me grow as an author-entrepreneur. I completed 15 classes in three days and had a few meetings afterward to figure out how to best implement what I had learned. And, you guessed it, I was in horrific pain afterwards. It confirmed again that working from home is the only job I can manage right now, and if I don’t take breaks like I should, or if I push myself daily without having a rest day somewhere in between, the migraines get much worse.
So, why take the risk? Why push myself at all knowing the cost? Because I want to live my life and I feel that as long as I don’t do it always, I’m telling my illness “You’re not the boss of me!”
The Cost of Living is Worth the Pain
I’ve made choices like this since and I will keep doing so, but I am learning to cushion those choices with some grace. My hope is found in the gospels as it speaks over and over again of how Christ looked on the crowd with “compassion.” He saw them for who they were, sheep without a shepherd, and He knew what they were struggling with. In those passages, He makes room for them, feeding them, teaching them, sometimes even healing them. (see Mark 6:30-56).
I think that even now He sees me and He sees you with what we struggle against and what we struggle for. I love this quote:
What’s next for you?
So there are things ahead of us that we are called to. I know it will cost me, and it may cost you. We can also know if we choose the right things, the things that are worthwhile and matter we can pay for them with confidence. And maybe a little second-guessing. But mostly confidence.
About JacQueline
As the author of The Journey series, a young adult fantasy retelling Rapunzel’s misadventures, JacQueline also wrote Memoirs of a Headcase: Held by the God of Hope, to share hope in the battle against chronic pain and depression. Currently she lives in North Alabama with her karate husband and three book-crazy kids. All opinions expressed on this website come from her own experience. Do not substitute it for professional therapy or medical advice. Any affiliate links used on this website will provide additional income to JacQueline’s family at no additional cost to you.
If you are a reader wanting to connect with JacQueline, you can get a free book here. Each month you will receive book recommendations and other booknerd fun.
Are you a writer or an author looking for help? JacQueline has been writing all her life and loves meeting others who think writing is living. As an author coach, helping other writers on their journey gives her joy. Schedule your free coaching call to learn what steps you should take next now.
photography: Chris Lawton, Timothy Eberly, and Eric Tompkins.
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